THE PRAYING
TREE
Why Great Bonnie don’t cry
A Fiction Narrative Based on Actual Events
Written by Melissa (Missy) Shackelford
Forward/Preface
The story of the
Praying Tree was originally written to be a song.
Because of the
interest of the story of the song, I
was prompted to tell it.
Then, as writers will
do, I just couldn’t stop.
What was meant to be
a brief description of the "story" behind the song, took on its own life form.
This is one of the many stories that are in my heart’s
archives from one of the most inspirational women in my life, and there have
been many inspirational women I have had the fortune to know. But, the women of my family
are the strongest women I have ever known. Each and every one of us have a long legacy of faith, strength, courage and character to live up to.
But, Great Bonnie was
the greatest.
A woman who was
little and loud, quiet and soft and gave me tools that I would forever use.
A woman who equipped
me with more stories than I could ever tell, a fascination for life, a strong faith in God
and human nature. A woman who gifted me with a foundation of searching for myself and being okay with WHATEVER I found; to laugh more and cry less. But, more than anything she taught me the value and therapy
of HUMOR. This has been the one constant that has singularly saved my life many times. It is also the quality I am most grateful to have inherited and most honored to share with my own children.
To Great Bonnie, you were greater than you ever knew.
“Great spirits do not
die; they live in the breath of every generation”.
~Missy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PRAYING TREE
SONG
There’s a tree near Savannah ,
with branches bright and green.
Strong and still
standing we call the Praying Tree.
Many generations of
my family, have heard the many stories
Of my family’s
praying tree.
Barefoot as a baby,
she’d walk the gravel road,
working for the
children and her brothers back at home.
When times didn’t
lend much hope, she’d fall on bended knee.
Prayers sent up to
Jesus underneath the Praying Tree.
The granny that I never met but, lives in legacy; started a tradition that my momma shared with me. Near a patchy field of clover, a willow by the creek. Where many prayers were answered underneath the praying tree.
By the praying tree she took her long last breath, near cotton fields and whiskey stills, where Pappy met his death. Next to her mother and the other family, all the generations laid to rest beneath that tree.
I aint lived
forever, but long enough to see, the power of an
answered prayer. I only hope in
Heaven there is a Praying Tree, so I can find all of my family
there.
There’s a tree near Savannah
with branches bright and green….
(c) 2014 Missy Shackelford
Music: John Shackelford
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PRAYING TREE
By Missy Shackelford
*Based on actual events
Great Bonnie was born in 1910, the
youngest of seven children. She had three brothers and three sisters.
She was my mother’s mother, my
Grandmaw, and often times my only friend.
“Great Bonnie”, as we all called
her, was a very eccentric, yet wise woman. She wasn’t a “talker” like me. She
was quiet, long-suffering and always looked deep in thought.
I was full of eagerness and
energy. I know now, looking back what great patience she must have had dealing
with me. I had all the curiosity in the world, and for a woman with few words,
how I must have challenged every one of them.
Great Bonnie loved me more than
she had ever felt love before.
She was always quick to tell me
that and she did throughout my life.
As a child I would ask her to tell
me stories, she was such a colorful story-teller.
She would tell stories that seemed
like movies in my mind. She would decorate every scene with such vivid imagery;
she had a real talent at that. Although I was a talker, I was a good listener
as well and especially when Great Bonnie spoke.
The story I am about to tell you was
told to me after a routine “melt down” as a pre-adolescent. I had thrown a very
dramatic fit over nothing. Nothing I can even remember. But, the less reaction
I got from Great Bonnie the louder I became. Until me, not she-
wore out.
When realizing my outburst was
unsuccessful, I looked over at Great Bonnie who hadn’t said a word or even
blinked. She was still embroidering her pillow case as if she were very relaxed
and unmoved by my emotional collapse. I was almost offended that she had no reaction. Still calm and eyes fixed upon
the pillowcases she was working on, she continued embroidering.
She looked up at me. In her fresh
mountain hillbilly accent she said calmly, “You done, Sissy?”….
I snapped back, “You don’t even
care at all that I am so upset!”…
Then, always like a parable- in
typical Great Bonnie style, words simple but, poignant. She replied, “People
that are yellin’ and cryin’ aint the ones folks need to worry ‘bout. It’s the
ones who cain’t that need the worryin’…”
Now, today this rings clearer than
any Bible scripture or Ernest Hemmingway quote.
But, at twelve, her wisdom was
years away from sense to me.
Then, after she poured me some
sweet tea we went to the porch.
The porch was always the sanctuary
of talking for us. She would talk plenty out there. She did love being
outside. She would sip on sweet tea or coffee, and sometimes even a little of
her “Mason Jar Magic”, which later I realized was far from magic and much like
Butane or Kerosene. Although, she said it was corn. “Made special by
the Lord”, since she didn’t like eating it on the cob, “on the ‘count of
her dentures…”
I “fiddled around” with the broken
wood on the front porch swing as she lit up a cigarette. She would usually
prefer to “snuff “but, this day she just chain smoked. I still laugh
remembering how some days she would say she needed a “puff and a snuff”.
I asked her a simple question, but
one that would always bring me back to this day on the porch. Why she
never cried.
This question ran through my mind,
fresh after my unnoticed fit, that I didn’t recall EVER seeing her cry. Even
after watching sad movies or at funerals. Not even at my own daddy’s funeral; which
hadn’t even been that long ago. This just struck me suddenly as so odd.
I mean how could a person be that way…?
Especially Great Bonnie! She was capable, I just knew it. I mean she was funny,
I had definitely seen her angry, so why? WHY? Why couldn’t she CRY?
She took a long puff off of her
cigarette, and then lit another. I saw what almost looked like sadness in her
eyes, which immediately made me want to take that question back. It occurred to
me that I didn’t WANT to ever see her cry. Or even sad for that matter
and I thought for a minute I was about to make her that way. But, before I
could say never mind or change the question, she put her arm around me.
Then she cleared her throat, put the first
cigarette out and began to tell me a story I would never forget.
Her eyes began looking off as if
she were watching the story and interpreting it to me. She started to rock in
the porch swing and then she began. ….
“Long time ‘go, ‘fore
ever-thing you know, I was a little girl. I know its hard to believe lookin at
Great Bonnie now, but I wus! Jus’ like you. Axshilly, maybe a year er two on
ya. I were tha littlist of seven. Three
sisters and three brothers. Some uh which you met, like Uncle Lin.
We lived way fer out. On a
farm. Miles to walk to the main street. Which weren’t even a “main” street but
jus a little gravel road that axshilly took you somewhere inta town.
It was The 1920’s and ever-body
was poor. I mean poor-poor. But, we wus the bottom of the burrell poor. We
growed our own food, kilt our own food, and ever-body had chores all the day
long. Jus to survive. I mean keepin a farm was hard work. Most people today
don’t know that kinda sweatin’”
My Daddy, I calt him Pap, was
gettin ill with whut was killin ever-body then, the pneumonia. I guess I knew
somewhar inside he was-a-gonna go home to the Lord soon. We all did really. It’s
the most amazin’ thang how the Lord seems to let you know it before. You can
almost feel death when it's near.
One night your great grandmaw,
my maw, come in and gathered us up. Her handkerchief was wet. I knew already in
my heart what she was ‘bout to say. She didn’t make no big announcement she
just tolt ever-body chores would be diff’rent tomorrow as ‘Jesus called Paw on
home'. She held tears back and said Jesus needed him to tend Heaven’s pastures’.
She put it so pretty like. As
if Jesus needed him more than us did….
Paw wus the best farmer in Savannah
You think Great Bonnie don’t
cry none? Maw NEVER cried. Hell dint nobody haf time to cry back then.
But, I catched her one time.
She had a tree, The Praying Tree, by the crick way fer out from tha house. It was a big old beautiful tree! Maw said it was older than the bible. That probly wus just a joke. But, I did know her own Maw would pray at it. I thank her Maw's Maw too! My aunts woulda say that all the women at the tree prayed
off wars and famines and what not. They’d say that ole tree was parful, special. There was so many stories about magic thangs that happened after prayin at that tree. You could even FEEL the Lord there. It was a deep belly feelin' when you knelt at it. Gives me goose bumps just rememberin'.
Well, yeah Maw would go thar and
she’d pray fer ars and ars. I knew it wus a special time and I aint never tried
to peek on her cus I knew the Lord-a-see me and all but, one time I did.
She’d take her long hair down.
I aint never seened her with her har out cept at bath time ‘fore. But, she
would fer Jesus. She looked beautiful. Like a paintin’ or sumthin. I never noticed how purty she was til I saw her like that.
There she would start off praying for us, our
children and our children’s children. She would start crying and that scared me. I didnt wanna see it. She would cry so loud, sounds I
aint never hert her make. Like deep hollers that came from somewhere I aint
never knew! She would cry and pray, then she would sing, she’d even dance. But, it was
that cryin. …That kinda cryin I aint never fore heard.
Maw was a very good Christian.
We didn’t git to go to church much but, she raised us on powerful prayers and
talking to the good Lord. We knew our scriptures and read the bible. We never
read much of the Old testament tho- cuz it got wet one time in a storm. But, Maw
would say that was alright cuz we wasn’t Old Testament folks. But, she would
tell us stories about it. Like Noah and the flood, Jonah and the whale….they
seemed kinda scary to us growin up.
Great
Bonnie kinda chuckled thinking back.
Well, then one day my favorite
sister Lucy Alice came running to the crik while I wus a warshin clothes and
said hurry up ta the house cus she was afraid. I took off runnin. When I got
there, maw sat in her bed, yella and pale- I had seen that look on Pap right
before he left ant I knewed she was bout to go. All the brothers were out
workin so its jus me and the sisters. Although Lucy Alice was my favorite, she
was older than me but she always felt like the youngest cus she relied on me a
lot. I covered her pretty blue eyes and tolt her to run on. I dint want her to
see Jesus take Maw. My other favorite sister, Ruth- named after your great
granny-had tolt me to run on but, I said no. She always did me like I did Lucy
Alice, tryn to perteckt me and all. The other sister, Ester was the oldest. She
were a lot like Maw. Quiet and worked harter then me and Ruth and Lucy Alice.
Thu three uh us were playful
and stayt in trouble.
I kissed Maw as her eyes began
to git far away, like she was lookin for Jesus. I closed em fer her so she
could see him better. And I guess she fount him cus that’s when he took her.
Lucy Alice cried so loud. Much
like Maw did at the praying tree. I ran and got the boys.
I wus the fastist runner of us all. Maw said
my feet was made fer runnin cus the bottoms wus hard. But, I ran cus it felt
good to git gone down the road cus it hurt me real hard inside when Maw left.
The runnin made it easier in a way…
But, I tolt myself the Lord must-a needed a
really good cook for Pap, cuz he was so hard to please. Bet they were eatin’
stew, Pap’s favorite.
Those kinda thoughts made the baddest thangs seem easier
fer me.
I liked the thought of Pap, Maw and Jesus eatin' stew.
I liked the thought of Pap, Maw and Jesus eatin' stew.
I found Lin first, he was
second to the oldest which was Til.
He looked just like Pap, but skinny. Lin was sof harted, I knew he’d need me ta pray fer him. He loved Maw. But, none loved Maw like Cal.
And none loved Cal like me.
He looked just like Pap, but skinny. Lin was sof harted, I knew he’d need me ta pray fer him. He loved Maw. But, none loved Maw like Cal.
And none loved Cal like me.
Cal was werkin down at the
Cedar Mill. Cal was Great Bonnie’s favorite brother,, Sissy. You woulda loved
ole Cal. He loved to sang like you and me.
He and I would sang songs and
he taught me how ta play the fiddle. He also taught me how ta sang “off” like I
teach you. We would sang at church and know that Jesus was so proud-a-us! We
would laugh together alot an he always made me feel like everything was gonna be ok.
I couldn’t get to him quick
enuf but, he workt late.
I decided after ever body got
back at the house, I wus gonna go run and find him at the Cedar Mills. But, Til
said no.
Lin tookt me outside and said He need to talk to
me. He bowed his head like he was about to tell me sonethin’ terrible. He
started sayin how Cal wasn’t at the Cedar
Mill he was brewin whiskey and if anybody knew we could loose the farm.
I didn’t understand that then and you prolly
don’t understand it now but back then that was a kinda bad thang to do.
I loved Cal with my whole heart so I took upon
myself to make my first visit to Maws prayin tree. I felt Jesus there. I knew
it was magic.
I looked down at where Pap lay
and knew soon there would be a wet patch of dirt where maw would also lay…I
wondered how many others were there as I prayed. I begged God to make Call not
do those things that are sinful and wrong. I tolt the Lord he KNEW Cal had a
pure heart but, just was worried bout the family and please forgive him.
I left knowing the Lord heard
me and Cal wouldn’t be makin whiskey no more.
So I was gonna wait on Cal by
the Main road. I dint care how long it took him to git home I wus waitin. I
needed him.
Finally hours later, he did. He
helt me an I wus okay again.
Days went by and we were
getting ready to send Maw off. The brothers and I would foller the Herse to
bury Maw. Ester also came. Lucy Alice and Ruth stayed behind. I knew Ruth had
been real sick. I also knewed Lucy Alice wus fakin cus she didn’t go nowhere
without Ruth or me.
In the back of my head I wus so
worried about Ruth. Poor Ruth. God please spare her I begged. I got so sick
thankin bout all of that- I had to stop and puke twice on the way to Maw.
I followed first behind the
Hearse , as I wus the fast one. Lin was trying to keep up, kept fallin., He wus
just so clumsy, Lord help him. Still is. That made me kinda giggle. That wus
Gods way of makin me smile even in the saddest of time.
Cal and I sang Maw’s favorite
song, “I’ll Fly away” and Lin played the banjo. I almost smiled cus I knew she
wus hearin us cus we sang special good jus fer her that day.
After, I followed the Hearse
back. Slower than normal.
I guess my heart hurt and so
did my tummy.
But, I remembered bout Ruth bein sick and all and how I needed to git
to her and Lucy Alice. But, it was miles ahead. But, thinkin of them made the
steps quicker.
After about a mile, we all
heard gravel kickin.
That was a sound you jus didn’t
hear often where we lived. Folks dint have cars and stuff war we were. Thar was
only Hearses and rarely ambulances. And usually both were bad. Hearse meant you
were dead and everyone knew it, ambulances meant you were dead and everbody had
to find out later. Back then you didn’t call an ambulance for emergencies-
couldn’t affort to. They’d only came when you wus past gone. I kept walkin-
didn’t even look behind me. I knew the only direction that the noise wus comin
from… The road that lead to my house.
I started singing to drown the
sound. To drown the sound of what I knew was bad. Scared to look back, scared
not to. But, I did. When I looked I saw Lin on the ground. Not cus he fell but,
cus he was cryin. Then my eyes was quick to spot Cal. He wus runnin. He was
runnin for me….
He said,’Bonnie jus keep
walking little girl’. His voice shook as he spoke.
That wus the sound of tears
pilin up in yer throat. I knew that sound well.
When I sawed Cal’s face with
tears I knew we had lost Ruth.
Half of me just so thankful it
wasn’t little baby Lucy Alice. Then I feeled guilty for that.
Suddenly I was so thankful she
stayed behind with Ruth. Thank God she was a little faker, that way at least
someone was there for Ruth when the Lord called. So many thoughts were swishin
around in my head.
Cal had caught up to me. His
big arms made me feel okay to cry. I cried so hard. Like Maw at the Tree. Poor
Ruth, I thought. Then I thought poor Lucy Alice all alone at the house! My feet
got to movin’. I couldn’t get home to her quick enuf!
I told him lets hurry to get
home to Baby Lucy.
Then, he grabbed me up. I still
heard tears trapped up in his throat. I had THAT feelin.
I knew what he was bout to say- something bad.
Then, he said the Lord needed Lucy Alice hours before Ruth.
What? I couldn’t quite wrap my
head around the words as he spoke em. I replayed it in my mind as he repeated.
Obviously seeing the question on my face.
Lucy Alice wasn’t fakin. She
wus sick too,I reckon. This illness wus quick- and strong. Both my favorite
sisters gone to Maw and Pap….
That’s when tears fell, and
fell. Then I thought I cried them gone. But, then big dusty invisible tears
fell. So many tears, Sissy, so many.
I thought all my tears were
dried up. And when I thought they were gone, my belly had a hole so big and
hurt so bad, more tears would come.
At home, the house was empty.
It smelled like Maw still. Lucy Alice thangs were still everwhere like she
always left em. I told Ester leave em be. Please. It comforted me to see the
girls’ messes. So, she left them. I looked around, it seemed like I was
forgettin sumthin. Like sumthin was missin’. …and it was.
I began workin twice, three
times as hard. I had all the girls’ chores and I cooked cus Ester couldn’t.
Well, cook good anyway.
The days were long but the
nights were longer. I missed bedtime with the girls, it was my favorite part of
the day. The coal oil light would always shine Lucy Alice’s reflection on my
bed. We would do puppet shows on the wall, which aggravated Maw. We would laugh
and giggle until she would blow the light out. Then we would all say our
prayers and thank God for being merciful. We had food, which was more than
some, and we had each other. I wondered why the Lord needed both sister’s. I
guess they just refused to leave the other one so God just had to take em both.
At least they were together. I would think on that, cuz that was a happy thought. I found myself
still lookin for Lucy Alice’s shadow on the wall. But, this night all I could
see was the empty darkness where her reflection would be no more.
Weeks went by. Slowly. It was
hard often days, cus I felt so alone. I found that singin would make the pain
less so. Sometimes I would make up funny songs. I would just laugh to myself,
as if I were the funniest thang ever. The Lord made me to laugh away thangs
sometimes.
We all were workin harder than we ever had and
Cal had taken another brother to the whiskey stills. I prayed and begged him
but he said now more than ever we had to do what we had to fer the sake of the
others, and some of us wus just stronger. I wished I wus one of the boys. I
really wanted in my heart to be with Cal.
I wus strong! I asked him to
consider me workin with him at the Still. If Til could do it, Lord knows I
could!
One morning he called me up
early, and I mean before the chickens early.
He handed me some work clothes and I wus on my
way. To ‘shine with him and the others. I felt kinda excited. Then, guilty.
Lord forgive me I would pray as
we walked the steep and narrow back woods to the shacks and nestles where we
would sin. For our family, only. Lord forgive me I would pray.
We worked hard, and where I
didn’t know all the details, I knew we were doin good cus Cal was smiling, and
singing again. The days at the Still were good ones. Me and the brothers
workin’, sangin songs all day. It seemed more like fun than work. It became my
favorite time. But, I still felt that hole in my belly where tears oughta be,
and a hole in my soul where Jesus oughta be too. I just knew he wus mad at me.
I tried not to think on that. But, when I did I would ask him to please forgive
me and also keep in mind that I was still a child. In my head, the Lord thought
that was funny and would pardon me from my sins.
Then one day, I left the still
early as I had gotten what made us women. Maw never tolt me about it, the older
girls never talked really and the blood made me thought I was dyin. I
remembered the others goin through this so I guessed it was normal. But, it
scared me at first.
I couldn’t tell Cal; so he just
thought I wus tryin to get outta work like the others.
That bothered me cus I wanted
to make Cal proud. I ignored him hollerin and just ran home and knowed I’d be quick back.
As I got half way back to the
Still from home, I heard a rumble. A big
rumble like I aint never heard.
I looked back and saw a big fire cloud. Then
here come Lin runnin.
Hollerin, ‘go bonnie go’!
But, as I saw people runnin, I
couldn’t see Cal.
I wouldn’t leave without Cal. I
AINT leavin without Cal. But, Lin yelled if I run into the cloud I would be
dead like the others. What others? WHERE WAS CAL?
Lin ran on and I ran back to
the still to find Cal. I knew he was hard headed and prolly still workin. In
the fire and everything knowin him! My feet were runnin as fast as the thoughts
in my mind.
But, What I saw is what changed
me.
I got to the still. Tip-toed
careful around broken wood and ash. Behind the burning wood and wire, in
between the concrete wall and the door was my Cal.
He spotted me and hollered,
‘damn it bonnie run and I mean run ‘for this blows on you’!
I disobeyed. I trenched through
the burning ember to get nearer to Cal.
I saw him. My God I saw him!
He was blacker than tar. Body
melted into the wire and wall.
All that really looked like Cal
was his bluest eyes. His beautiful blue eyes.
The eyes that sawed after me,
that lit up when he sang, the eyes of my Maw and her Maw and my Pap. The eyes
that I prayed for. The eyes that ALWAYS looked back at me, and meant everthang
of how I felt about anything.
He said, ‘Bonnie, git my gun’.
I was shakin’ and scared but, I did. I thought he must have some great idea- he
always did. I was shakin, tryin not to show my fear.
He said,’ right now take that
gun and point it at me and pull the trigger’!
I said NO! His voice a weaker whisper now,
begged; ‘BONNIEEE, please do what you know is right. Listen to Cal, I love you
Bonnie. Help me!’…..I aimed but, begged Cal. Pleading and praying until the
loudest, firmest ‘BONNIE-NOW’! I knew that was all the talk Cal had in
him.
And I pulled the trigger at Cal
and sent him to the Lord.
I dropped the gun and ran.
Crying and running. Miles to home.
On the last mile home- I walked
and cried.
I just couldn’t figure out why
the Lord needed Cal. WE needed him more. I needed him MORE! I asked God but he
never tolt me back. I had hoped it actually was THE LORD that took him. I had
prayed for Cal’s forgiveness!
That thought took up too much
room in my head and in my heart.
Tears fell and fell. For days,
weeks, months.
I knew in my heart if they ever
stopped, I would have no more tears.
I was right. But, even years later I would
feel them wellin’up. I wus afraid to let em down as they might flood the farm.
I secretly hoped they wouldn’t
store up and one day pop…
Nobody knew what happened in
that still that day. I was good at keeping secrets. Nobody knew at all. Just me
and Cal.
And the Lord.
…..and now you little Sissy.”
I cried as Great Bonnie told me
that story. But, I cried discretely. Suddenly I felt shameful for silly tears I
cried earlier. I felt so sad inside for my Great Bonnie. I wanted to hug
her-make it better. But, I knew that she didn’t work that way.
When her cigarette pack was gone,
so was the story.
She crushed out her last
cigarette, patted my leg, and then looked up at the sky with a small squint.
She casually asked me if I thought it looked
like rain in those clouds….as if she hadn’t just told me the saddest story in
my life….
I looked up at the sky and said, “yes
mam, maybe we should go on in”….
I thought to myself, it looked
like a bad storm. Like the clouds had been storing up the rain for quite some
time. I knew we needed to hurry in before it started.
I said, “Yep, they look full
like they might burst any minute…”
She brushed herself off and looked
back at the clouds.
“…Let’s get in before the flood
comes…”
Then she winked as she closed the
porch door.
~Missy
2012
