Day 1- (Entry 1- Week 1) My daily journey as I have lost my job and am living daily following what I believe God has called me to do

Week 1 
Day 1- Unemployed

9/20/15

Today, I received a letter from my company stating they “my position was no longer needed” and “please pursue your music career” and how “they wish me the best of luck with my music”. I had spent two years there. This is a record long time for me in a regular job. I had given a lot. I also, had received a lot. There is some sadness when I think of this chapter closing. This had become a very comfortable and safe chapter for me.

Today also was my first writing class in a while. This, ironically, was busier than ever; one new student and three of my regular ones. The gratification I feel teaching my students how to not only write a song but, to observe life differently, is so rewarding.

… From my new student today message sent to my daughter.

But, it has been more of a hobby than a career that paid my bills. Now, this would have to be my main source of income, somehow. This normally would be a fearful place and I normally would be full of anxiety and worried.

Oddly, I am not afraid. I almost felt this coming as the Lord has been a constant presence reminding me through out recent days that I have been called to a higher purpose. He knows change is scary for me but, he has given me peace. Peace, truly beyond understanding and measure.

After being isolated this past week to my house with no car or phone, a lot has been revealed to me about his will and my own. The main lesson being that torment exists when MY will gets in HIS way.

During this week of isolation I have been forced to my songwriting. I have written a solid 8 songs and have about 10 more in progress. I have always thought how crazy it is that I have so many songs in me. This might have been a move from the Lord to finish some of my songs that have been in “progress” too long. A few are really, really good.

Is this what he really wants me to do? Really?

Because of my prayerful place, I am inclined to believe this is the direction he is leading me. Therefore, I will follow.

After spending the first 40 years of my life in my own version of the biblical “Egypt”, I no longer want to waste time in my own agenda absence of the guidance of my Lord.

So, I have decided I will tithe (for the first time in a long time) 10% of my last paycheck and lean on the promises of my father.

I have to say I feel a rumble of expectations of success. Doubt will over whelm me in days to come, I am certain. But, today I KNOW I am in the hands of a big God. A God big enough to actually make this music thing manifest into something.

Thank you, Lord for entrusting me to a gift that I recognize comes from you. Please guide me into the path that you have carefully paved for me. Help me not to be misled, to keep my eyes on you and to sustain me and my family through this time of trust.

Amen.

Day 2 unemployed

9/21/15

I woke up this morning anxious. I immediately began praying. I am so aware and reverent of Gods purpose- even though I still am unsure of what that is exactly. Blind faith and bold trust do not come easily by me. After prayer I read a scripture. 

 Colossians 3:23 ► New International Version
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters..”

I am seeking the Lord constantly. By my past mistakes in life, I am cautious about making decisions. I have found my decisions have lead me off of God’s path. So, I will patiently wait upon the Lord. For now, I will do what I feel he has called me to do in this present moment. That is continuing to write. I have 22 songs currently, a few blogs, and now this journal that I feel called to write.

He has blessed me with words. So, this is what I will do with all my heart until lead otherwise.

I must admit, though still seeking peace form worry, I am anticipating seeing what the Lord has in store for me.

Lord, help me to hear you and watch for your direction. May your will be done and may your Glory manifest. Lead me and I will follow you, Oh God. You will never forsake me. You are the almighty owner of everything and I am your child. My inheritance is in you. I will not worry. You are a father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless. Thank you for calling me into a divine purpose.

Forgive me of my untrust. I love you, my Father.

Amen.

Day 3 Unemployed

9/22/15

I reminded through scripture in this journey of trust, that the Lord is the supplier of my needs. That my God is a mighty and Large God! The owner of everything. This is important for me to remember in these times because when I got lost in my own thoughts, they turn to worry. This is not what the Lord wants from me. So, I am practicing directing my thoughts to him in every moment.

I anticipate a great thing and I am expecting it.

Dear Lord, Thank you that you have plenty for me. That you are guiding me through what I believe is a spiritual journey to where your will lies. Forgive me of my sins and my doubts and worries. Thank you for choosing me to be in your presence. Thank you for the miracles that await me and thank you for the restoration that you promises. I believe in them and receive them in your holy name.

Amen

Day 4 unemployed

9/23/15

Today is realize EVERYDAY is like day 1. A little discouraged and lost today. Funny how the Lord reminded me in my devotional that my feelings aren’t real and they are not a measure of what he is doing. I loved that. Thank you, Jesus.

Day 5 unemployed

9/24/15

Today I went to my praying tree. Which is such a sacred spot for me and I feel so close to the Lord. Again, in meditation and prayer he told me to quit thinking about tomorrow and seek his face.

I had began to worry a little about bills, my broken car, etc..

I will be sending my tithe off today. He told where to send it.

He also told me to check my prayer request box in 7 days. This is where I write my prayer requests. In an old mailbox by my praying tree.

I will wait and watch for him.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your voice. I am lost without it. Thank you for your promises. I am expecting miracles from you according to your word. Thank you in advance.

I love you. Amen.

Still Day 5

Just sent my tithe. It is sitting in the mailbox. The last little bit of money I may see in a while. My daughter called me stupid for doing this when I asked her to pray with me over it. I know she is unaware still of the great miracles of being obedient to the Lord. Hopefully, she will see through this giant step of faith.

I feel very anxious in my spirit today. I don’t know why. But, the Lord told to me to watch for signs of something today. I will be watching.

Dear Lord, thank you for the gifts you give us. Thank you for allowing me to hear your voice and be in your presence. I bind any assignment on me, my family or my finances in Jesus name. I rebuke you Satan from any interference. What is bound on earth also is bound in heaven, in Jesus holy name. Amen.

Day 6 unemployed

9/25/15

Bills due and I am behind on prayer. I feel it. I need more time with the Lord today. I must SLOWWWW down and find his presence. Funny how I am so aware of this since I have been so much closer to him lately.

Thank you, Lord for awareness when I am in my own will and leaving you behind. I need you, YOUR direction. Not my own.

Amen.

Day 7 unemployed

9/26/15

I am realizing to day it is easy to trust the Lord when you have an earthly safety net in case he doesn’t do what you want him to. But, TRUSTING the Lord is going blindly into everyday with it’s discouragements and obstacles. The days when you don’t see hope in sight, when everyone is a buzz in your ear telling you negative things and when you aren’t hearing the voice of Jesus as loud as on other days.

But, these days are the ones you rely on his promises in his holy word. You remember that your “feelings” are irrelevant to the divine purpose of God’ will. You seek him more often, even if you aren’t hearing him yet and then you wait.

Sometimes I look around me and see the people who are in my life. I notice how the Lord has uprooted some. My circle is shrinking. But, that I know is of his doing. I am in the most submissive place that I have ever been in my life. I know he has this time of my life in his will. So, I need to focus on that more and less on what is going on around me.

Dear Lord, be my refuge and safe harbor from the enemy and his lies and even from myself. Help me to find shelter in your promises from the world’s discouragement. Keep me in your grasp leading my direction. Thank you for allowing me to serve a purpose greater than myself. Forgive me for my worry and lack of trust. I love you. Amen

The "Bye-Bye" Box.

THE BYE BYE BOX

Today I put my favorite heels in the “bye-bye box” for charity donation.

This is the graveyard for all the items that once were amazing, but no longer are functional for my life.

For years I have held onto these brilliant red heels. I had believed if they could just streeeetch out juuuust a smidge, they would be the best accessory for almost any outfit.

It almost seemed like they had magical powers. These would be the shoes that my future husband would meet me in, these would be the shoes I accepted my next award in, these would be the shoes that had their own theme song when I entered a room, etc.

But, now (sigh…) the peek-a-boo toe that once showcased my glossy and well maintained nails had become a sneak peak of shameful ashy hooves that were undeserving of such a heel.

Never should an engorged purple toe be on display.

These were the shoes that would want to walk away from my feet.

Yet, still I held on to the hope that my feet would shrink in winter.  

If this happened I declared, my peek-a-boo toe would have to suffer the cold.

But, reality hit.

Never should a blue, frost bitten toe be on display, either.

I realized I have held onto them for too long. All they do is take up space (along with many other pairs of “life changing” items) in my closet.

As I headed toward the “bye-bye box’, I was afraid I would hit another dreaded milestone in my descending spiral from youth. Sarcastically, I thought of tossing any panties that I had ever dreamed of anyone else seeing besides my daughter or my OBGYN.

 I thought, “Screw it. Might as well toss in my moisturizer, hair color, toothbrush- all of it.” But, to my surprise, I realized I actually felt a burden lifted as I tossed those red heels in.

Then, I begin wondering what ELSE I needed to say “bye-bye” to.

Before too long, the box was full.

Next to the red heels were the neon yoga pants, the two-tone turtle neck, the leg warmers (current season or vintage- couldn’t tell). Then, I moved to the hall closet. Good bye Mario brothers hand held game, Aunt Maggie’s yearly Christmas gift of assorted itchy wool scarves, that old VHS player (just “in case”)… Then I got enthusiastic. Hands like a windmill tossing items- “peace out last seasons white pleather jacket, see ya later to my daughters ziplock bag of hair from her first cut, my exes letters and dried flowers, my sons first cast…..Wait what? Damn. This just got real serious. What am I”????

I was like a memory hoarder!

The more I tossed the cleaner and lighter I felt.

Whew. When I finished, it was six hours and a few glasses of wine later. BAM. DONE. FREEEEEEE!

Amazing how one dreaded decision of getting rid of something I “couldn’t live without” was so liberating! I was still fabulous and I would find a new pair of red amazing life changing heels. I would actually be able to wear.

The moral of the story is that I held on to a whole bunch of items that reminded me of what I wasn’t, that took up too much space and basically were useless. It was the fear of letting them go that was scary. That in some small way I would lose a part of myself in the process. But, it was the exact opposite.

Now…

If only there were a “bye-bye box” for people.

J Missy