Obese with people

LOSING WEIGHT...

How I lost over a thousand pounds and I am STILL losing…!

All of us have a tendency to be over indulgent.

We are gluttonous with snacks, alcohol, and even people.

I had become obese with other peoples problems.

It was such a gradual process that I didn’t notice until I couldn’t fit into my own life.

The buttons were popping everywhere and I remained in denial.

I tried pills, reduction diets, moving and exercising my rights but, no breakthrough.

 As a matter of fact, I collected even more pounds of unwanted weight.

Then I came up with a solution, a formula that would prove highly effective.

 This worked for me and hopefully it can work for you too!

TAKE AN INVENTORY

What kind of people are in your life? What demographic is your closest friends, your closest family members and co-workers?

Are they successful? Not just financially, but in relationships, and in other aspects of their life. Begin thinking of WHOM you spend the most of your time with.

DETERMINE ACUTE AND CHRONIC FRIENDS

Sometimes our friends go through seasons where they lean on us more. These seasons are where we are needed more than usual.

However, seasons are just that- SEASONS. They are not years and in some cases, decades and so on.

When a friend is leaning on us and needing us longer than a season they are a chronic friend. A friend that is only experiencing a “true” season is an acute friend.

You probably have already started a mental list of who is what in your mind. Good.

 Go ahead and write it down. Not on your blog or social media site but, on a piece of paper that you can hide.

DETERMINE ASSET AND LIABILITY FRIENDS

Asset Friends are people that lend us wisdom, laughter and are the ones we call when we need someone. These are people that encourage us and bring positive qualities into our lives. They deposit as much or more than they withdraw.

Then there are ones who do just the opposite; the Liability Friends.

They may even be positive in one area but not the other. These are the friends that come to your birthday party and get into a fight with their spouse and call the police. Also, the friends that are always broke and depend on your financial support. They are a liability because the cause you risk.

TRIGGER FRIENDS

These are friends who may be asset friends but create an environment inside of you that promotes negative behavior or actions.

For example, I had a very funny and positive girlfriend. She was an amazing presence. But, for whatever reason every time she and I would go anywhere, her drinking and late night hours would bring out my inner disco ball. I would find myself drinking too much, staying out too late and being a general ignorant fool.

 She maintained herself nicely, I however, not so much. So, therefore she was a trigger friend because of what I became around her. All trigger friends are not necessarily ones to “lose” but rather closely inspect the intensity of consequences you suffer because of this trigger. If moderate to severe, “lose” this friend until you get YOU right.

Now that you have categorized all of the people in your life, separate each one into a sub category of family and co-workers. These are the people in your life you can not get rid of sometimes. However, you should, like carbohydrates, limit.

LET GO

You look at your list you can see what is making you heavy.

Too much weight makes us unable to carry our own. We are burdened down and lose the energy to stay focused and create our own positive life.

We can not carry people. We can, however, give them encouragement and support and should also receive the same from them. If they offer nothing and take everything, it may be hard, but begin distancing yourself and let them go.

As with anything, it is all about BALANCE.

Now, when it comes to your children that is another story.

Some say you “never lose the baby weight”…

* NOTE*

If you read this and discover you ONLY have “asset” friends- you are not ONLY blessed but, YOU might just be a “liability” friend.

Xoxo,

Missy

Jesus, CEO of ME

WHO KNEW JESUS WAS A PROJECT SPECIALIST?

This morning in a meeting, I had a life changing EPIPHANY.

I presented information regarding a business I am doing project work for.

When you work with struggling businesses and present information on growth and risk, sometimes the business owners (and ESPECIALLY creative people) will follow your instructions easily and sometimes they resist. Often times, they are simply in denial of the severity of their current state.

The forecast looks bleak and even though I present a solution of recovery, the changes are often not made without a battle.

Even though I am hired, by THEM, to instruct and direct them into what will eventually be a beneficial move.  Sometimes, it is just hard for the business owners to “let go” of their own destructive patterns; even though it has proven to not be successful. In moments of honesty, some have admitted they are just “scared”.

I couldn’t help but analyze this. In my personal reflections, I am thinking; WHY WOULD THEY NOT JUST DO WHAT IS OBVIOUS IN THESE REPORTS WHEN IT WILL SAVE THEIR STRUGGLING COMPANY? GET OVER IT! IT IS SO SIMPLE!!!!

Then, I realized how many times the Lord has said that to me.

How he has given me so many instructions that I refuse to follow. I rebel until I am sitting at the conference table in my heart with him. Then, he hands me the bible and shows me the report. I resist his PERFECT PLAN and resort back to my own detrimental habits until they fail again. Soon, I am back in a meeting with him- seeking his direction.

It is hard to change. It is hard to take the first step in a DIFFERENT direction. It is even HARDER to trust that someone has a better plan than yours. TRUSTING is especially challenging when the end result will GREATLY AFFECT you- one way or the other.

How does Jesus do it? He is a better Consultant than me! He is able to just sit back and wait patiently on me; instead of threatening to leave my project.  Pretty cool stuff.

J Missy

Mercy Walker joins the AA

MERCY JOINS THE AA

“My name is Mercy Walker and I am an alcoholic”, Mercy declared with a simulated conviction.

She cleared her throat and directed a piercing warning glare at her best friend of twenty years and unwilling accomplice, Garner. Garner wiggled uncomfortably in his seat, looking at Mercy and after a long pause he said, “My name is Garner Craven and I am, ehhem, an alco, an alcoholic”..?  His tone suggested this was more of a question than a statement. He barely managed to get out the sentence as he looked at Mercy with an uncomfortable stare. Mercy immediately put her arm around Garner with a sympathetic rub on the shoulder, as intentional evidence of her support. “Welcome, Mercy and Garner” said everyone at the lunchtime AA gathering inside the ultra chic Kent Towers. This was the AA meeting for all of the corporate elite of Memphis. This was also where Mercy believed she and Garner would expand their social catalogue to accommodate the New Year resolution they agreed on- finding a new circle of friends. The Kent Tower AA was a swiftly made choice. Mercy was a regular customer of “Town Nails”, next door and always noticed the unusual assortment of well dressed individuals as they were leaving the Towers. They always were laughing and hugging while exiting to their array of this year’s luxury automobiles. After the New Years Eve party Mercy and Garner hosted turned out to be a drunken fest full of drama and animosity, The Kent Tower AA was a clear choice- in their quest for new and sober friends.

“Wow, we REALLY are doing this”, whispered Garner in his usual sarcastic tone.

“Shut up, Garner! Seriously?” Mercy snapped, while maintaining a well glossed smile. “Oh, excuse me. I am so sorry” he whispered while rolling his eyes “must be the withdrawals”.

After much deliberation on New Years Day, after a bowl of southern flavored Black eyed Peas for luck, Mercy was determined to meet new people.

She and Garner both had been in the entertainment circle since they could remember. They met at a high school musical theater audition and were instant friends from then on. Mercy had seen two failed marriages, two grown children, a few substantial career successes that allowed her to retire at 35 and was bored. As hell. Garner, owned a prominent consulting firm and had expanded to the point of not being as needed as he once was. He was also a very active volunteer in the Memphis community which he always drug Mercy along to so, he owed her one. Garner was usually up for a “Mercy Adventure”. His AA attendance was less initiated by his lack of fulfillment and more by Mercy’s. Mercy was not one to face change alone. She always would bring Garner into her life changes. Sometimes it would be Kindle, her other and less willing best friend.

“Of course, Kindle managed to get out of THIS one. I hope to God I don’t know anyone here.” Garner said sipping on his second cup of coffee.

“Kindle has young children, asshole. Mercy replied with her always quick justifications.

She needs to drink,” Garner protested, “I need to drink! I am NOT quitting drinking, lady. ….am I”? Garner asked almost begging Mercy. Mercy looked away with guilt.  “Oh GOD! You NEVER mentioned we were NOT DRINKING, you said this was to MEET people…” asked a very concerned Garner.

 “God, Garner! You always get allll tangled up in details of things…” Mercy said casually glancing around the room and working on her third cup of coffee. “Yes, I do, that tendency is why I have a consulting business, and a successful one at that”.

Garner was interrupted by his phone ringing. A loud stereo surround sound dance mix of Bruno Mars echoed through the room. Garner was so startled by the ring he spilled his coffee. Meanwhile Mercy, in a hasty fit, was putting her hands into his extra deep tailored pockets searching for it to turn it off. “Oh my GOD I TOLD you to turn it OFF, Shit”, she whispered very loudly and maintaining a fake smile. Finally, Mercy silenced it by grabbing it, along with a handful of change and a portion of Garners manhood.

Both, Mercy and Garner apologized, out loud, simultaneously to the group. “You grabbed me, THERE!” said Garner. Mercy apologized while handing him back the change she accidentally grabbed as well.

“I feel like I have been sexually assaulted, thank you so much- be respectful and call me tomorrow, will you?” Garner said under his breath, while adjusting his tie and settling back into his seat.

“Better be glad I didn’t just snap the poor thing off, dumb ass”, said Mercy sipping on the now cold coffee and quickly reengaging her ‘concerned eyebrows’ while listening to another story from the attendees. Garner looked at Mercy and said, “I am sooo ready to go, these sad stories are starting to affect my Xanax- negatively. Jesus, Mercy!”

“Damn, you whisper so loud! You better hope no one heard you”; Mercy replied.

Garner finished his coffee and popped a breath mint, “Yes, Mercy, God forbid anyone here in the ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS here my comment about my Xanax. It is all the same. Damn, didn’t YOU, yourself, once say, (mimicking Mercy) ‘Xanax is the CHRISTIAN way to drink’”.

Mercy leaned in,” No it is NOT the same!  THAT is a whole other group. One that is in another area with a WHOLE ENTIRE demographic! Mercy said speaking between her teeth. “People that we would not enjoy… You really are stupid. You will never fit in here not being able to distinguish the difference. I am certain it goes over all of that in the AA blue Instruction manual thing…” Mercy regained her composure and immediately regained her concerned eyebrows and directed them towards the new story told by another attendee.

“…and if NOT, I guess will just ‘E-How’ fitting into AA, if you like. Garner noticed his growling stomach. “Damn, I am hungry”, Garner said, eyeballing the room for snacks.

Mercy also began looking around, “Yeah, me too. I think someone said first timers get chips…I don’t see them, though.”

The meeting adjourned. Everyone was hugging and saying goodbye. A lot of the group members were inviting Mercy and Garner to another meeting across town tomorrow night. Mercy spotted a familiar face. Shocked, she grabbed the hem of Garners sleeve and pulled into his ear, “Holy shit. Look who is here.” Mercy said almost with a vindictive hint in her breath. Garner cased the room and stopped where Mercy’s eyes were posted.

“Lucas Peters”, they both said excitedly and in unison. Lucas Peters was a well known, newly awarded, Grammy winning, singer/songwriter. Who also happened to be Mercy and Garners favorite. “I can not believe he lives in Memphis”…said Mercy with her eyes focused on him still. “Stop staring! He is looking at us.” Garner said while nervously grabbing his scarf, as a detour, and laughing as if they were having a conversation about it.

“HE IS LOOKING AT MEEE”, Mercy said defiantly.

Before he was able to respond, Mercy began sashaying over to the Lucas. Garner followed. “Hello, I am Mercy Walker. So very nice to meet you. I must say, you happen to be one of my favorite artists.”  Lucas extended his hand and replied, “So nice to meet you as well.”

Mercy, not containing her self, leaned in to hug him. Garner gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “Well, guess that is how it is done in Memphis, huh?” Lucas responded after Mercy’s uninhibited show of affection.

“Are you not from here”…Said Mercy, using her strongest southern inflections.

“No…actually I am from Ohio. But, I live in Nashville and am just visiting some friends for the New Year.”

“Well, Garner and I would love to have you over for dinner and drinkkkk…”, Mercy abruptly caught herself. “Damn”. She thought. Remembering her newly established sobriety, she finished, “Yes, dinner and ‘Drink’, my cat, who also is a fan would love to meet you.”

“You have a cat named, DRINK?” Lucas inquired while holding back a laugh. Garner was holding back a ferocious roar of laughter, curious to see how Mercy would get out of this one.

Mercy, with careful cleverness, replied, “Yes, I do. I had to!  I mean, it just reminds me how much I want to stay sober. That is why I named herm, HIM, him, that.”

“Nice save.” Garner said under his breath while coughing.

Deviating from the awkward conversation Mercy began digging into her purse recovering a business card. She handed it to Lucas, “Here is my number. Please call and let us fix you a delightful southern dinner, will you? Lucas replied, Thank you, Miss Mercy, I just might. Have a good one” and then he exited.

Mercy and Garner continued out the front door to the car.

“Why the hell do you start talking like Suzanne Sugarbaker when you are around a good looking man?...and let me remind you that your own SON  is older than him.”

Mercy got her keys out of her purse and said, “When I say I hate you sometimes I am just saying that to be funny. But, THIS time- I really DO HATE YOU.” Garner lit a cigarette and replied, “Well, bitch, guess you will be apologizing for that one when you start on step 3- ‘making amends with people’. However, I am sure I will be dead by the time you get through that incredibly long list.”

                                                                                    

I am awaiting an assignment

Lord, I believe I heard you today.

I believe you asked me to do something for you.

Something that is greater than I can imagine being able to do.

Something that I dont even know I am CAPABLE of.

You gave me a vision.

Of many people in a circle holding hands AROUND something and praying for your power and direction.

MANY people.

Today I ask you to lead me into that direction if it is your will.

To show me how, when, where.

I will follow you where you lead.

Thank you for choosing me to be yours.

Thank you for trusting me into your plan.

I will show you my obedience-

and you will show me your mighty POWER.

Thank you and I am waiting!

Praise you, ALMIGHTY KING OF KINGS!

BALANCING.

It is all fun and games until someone falls...

40

40

I am very aware of the fact that I am not a person of great accolade. I have not had a respectful Ivy League Education. I was not born into inheritance of wealth or prestige and do not really have a desire for it either.

I do, however, like to pay a bill or two without having to cash in my children’s change collection.

You could say that I have found a way of living by surviving.

If my banker would accept hope and dreams for deposits, I would be rich on my 1.3% interest.

I don’t blame the government, my parents, my poor choices, bad relationships, bad luck or God for any lack of success. I don’t even blame myself!

There is no blame to be distributed; it just is what it is because I am who I am.

I have been this person for many years. I have boldly approached life with an innocent faith in human kind, joy in the storm and a wonderful/unhealthy denial, which I have found cozy and comfortable. Being a writer, if all goes wrong- I just write a song about it and glamorize the suffering. Easy. I have generally liked myself, in spite of myself.

 Yes, I have actually been satisfied with my life- …UNTIL I start analyzing it.

Only recently have I started this evaluation, due to a very significant birthday approaching.

As this date draws closer, I find I am becoming more aware of all of my mistakes, shortcomings and lack of achievement. I am beginning to feel a race for time only so that I can feel some sense of accomplishment before the big day arrives. I have read that this “assessment” is not uncommon for many women approaching this milestone birthday. This is the birthday that most 29 year old women, like myself, will approach with dread; turning 40.

There I said it. Yes, I will be turning 40.

Dear God, even as I see it on paper I am a little disturbed! A big bold 4 and then a 0, sitting there in Times New Roman like a permanent, bloody red wine stain on the paper! Suddenly, I feel a little anxiety as reality becomes sobering.

Now, I know every 40+ woman right now is rolling their eyes. But, for ME this number is more significant than 30, 50, 60 and so on.

I was totally okay with 30. So far it was my favorite. I was old enough to know better and still too young to care. I lost my fear of confrontation, my co-dependant tendency and my baby weight. I found my OWN opinion and independence- I was unstoppable at 30!

But, 40? Honestly, I have dreaded this one for a while now.

Why? Because by this age, I thought I would have accomplished substantially more than I have. I am not discrediting what I HAVE accomplished at all. I just feel like I have disappointed myself with my lack of achievements. I have never been focused on wealth, career success, or even being the Grammy Award winner that I was certain I would have been by now. I have come to terms that Tom Cruise will not be pursuing me like I dreamed of in my 30’s; looking back I am so thankful he didn’t!  I don’t really know WHAT I expected to have accomplished by now, but it feels like something more than this.

For one, I was certain I would be remarried by now. I have spent the majority of my life practicing being the perfect wife. The countless hours of self help studies, learning to balance the fine line of domesticated diva and ferocious femme fatale.  Now, that I feel like I have mastered the art of wifery, it seems less interesting to me now. Sometimes not interesting at all.

Two, I had a strong confidence that all of the years I have written songs, performed various places and was such a dynamic personality- I would maybe, I don’t know, at least have my own talk show?!  The closest I have come to that is my MOBILE “make-shift” talk show that I have with strangers.  I am not only the star, but the Director, Producer, Sponsor and staff.

I conduct this show with everyone, but especially strangers. This happens all over town. I offer advice, commentaries and information to many people everyday. Some are willing audience members and some are my social captives until the check out is complete at my local Kroger. So, I guess that counts, in a way.?!?

Lastly (although many more exist), I wish that I could look at my children and be proud of all of the wonderful parenting I have given them as a single mother. Thankfully, they have grown into quite well adjusted young people- in spite of ME more so than BECAUSE of me.

 In my mind and in my memories, I have worn an apron their entire childhood and have always had a freshly baked batch of cookies ready for our nightly bible reading.

I am sure that in their minds and in their memories, I am a ticking time bomb that exists under yesterday’s t-shirt and always have a fresh batch of promises for a wonderful tomorrow- that they are still waiting on. They don’t have a private school education, a lot of clothes and cool stuff, but they are appreciative and genuine. They, despite every struggle, find joy and contentment in simple things. They approach every opposition with a blossoming hope, an unexpected humor and a determined will- that is about the only thing I have given them.

But, mainly they love me, their wild card mother, for who and whatever I am that day.

In my honest thoughts on age, I TRULY feel like I am in my twenties still. By that, I mean self-searching, exploring and wondering what I will be and what I will do when I ‘grow-up’. Someone told me the other day that 40 is the new 30. I think I will hold on to that philosophy. However, someone also said “orange is the new black” and I will certainly PASS on that.

But, everyday I am still thankful that I wake up. I am grateful somehow the Lord provides me with a roof and lights on. I am blessed for what I HAVE and often what I HAVE NOT. I have NOT a disease, have NOT a daily physical challenge and I have NOT anything that cripples me from progress; except myself.

Yeah, I put on a few pounds. Yes, there are a few wrinkles. Okay, I admit I have spotted an odd color hair strand a time or two and yes my breasts are not worth flashing anymore. Well, one is. One, actually, is an amazing super star that has held on to its youth like a champ.

Her twin, not so much. So, I guess I could, if need be, I could flash ONE. PROUDLY.

But, as I approach this birthday, I will see my glass of Vitamin enriched protein juice for aging women, half FULL.

I will try and embrace the fact that I am still dreaming, living and growing. I will still bake a fresh batch of promises of a wonderful tomorrow and maybe even deliver this upcoming year!

I vow that I will quit lying about my age and tell everyone the truth.

 I will own the years I have earned. I will say my age bravely- I AM 30.

I mean I am, eh-hem….

Damn it, I AM 40.

Missy

xoxo

Life is a story.
Songs are stories with melodies.

We all are writing everyday.

SOME JUST MORE THAN OTHERS.