Great Bonnie and Ruby the "witch"

GREAT BONNIE AND RUBY THE WITCH

GREAT BONNIE AND RUBY THE ‘WITCH’- Draft

 The closest place to get makeup in Langley Georgia was at “Thompson Family Drugs” and that was an hour away. It was a carefully scheduled trip for most rural ladies. You would plan your makeup shopping around your monthly trip to Mr. Thompson’s for prescriptions, vitamins, and all of the items unavailable at Langley’s only grocery store, Hi-Lo.

It was also an outing that required full attention to your wardrobe and hair because that was considered “going to town” and there was a certain obligation of appearance to that.

 Most rural ladies used this as an opportunity to socialize outside of church.

Langley women were no stranger to boxed hair color, they were very selective to use color shades that were closely matched to their own natural hair or just to cover “grays”.  That was before new resident Ruby Tibideaux moved to town.

Ruby was a very heavy set widow, no children, middle-aged with fair skin and the brightest fire engine red hair that was almost the exact shade of her lipstick. She was flamboyant with extra large earrings that always complemented a very large multi pattern dress.  The dress carefully would also incorporate the shade of what ever red lipstick she chose to wear that day. She was, needless to say, very different from the typical Langley Lady.

Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie had heard someone had bought the house down the road and were all too interested about their new neighbor. Great Bonnie, always curious and Aunt Bea always nosey decided they should take a pie over and introduce themselves and welcome the new neighbor to the small, but quaint, town of Langley.

 Aunt Bea saw this opportunity to potentially have a new church member. However, Great Bonnie saw this as an opportunity only to get out of the house. Although curious, friendliness was not her strong suit.

Great Bonnie had the first glimpse of Ruby.

Ruby stood on the porch bright as the day, fanning her self from the humid Georgia heat and motioning the movers around, both with her hand and the under carriage of a very large arm.

Her hair perfectly sprayed, with lips shinny and matching her long nails perfectly.

Ruby stood heavily adorned with the largest and most gaudy costume jewelry this side of Atlanta. Instantly Aunt Bea was enamored. She just knew they were going to be the best of friends.

Upon the first sight of Ruby, Great Bonnie gasped as if she had seen a ghost and replied with a “What the hell?!?... She put her arthritis bent hand around her brow as if blinded by sunlight as if she were trying to get a better look.

I aint never seen somebody so bright, Bea, she looks like a damn stop light!

Aunt Bea ignored Great Bonnie’s usual negative comments about people.

Don’t look directly into IT, Bea...”  Ignoring Great Bonnie, Bea moved toward Ruby with an extended hand.

 “Well, how ever do you do”, asked Aunt Bea in her most polished long, Georgia accent. She always saved this dialect for strangers. Almost as to appear a sophisticated Southern Belle; but was quick to change the long southern inflections to much shorter, sharp tones after she knew someone.

“Welcome to Langley, I am Margaret Bea Lamb, everyone calls me Bea- and this is my mother Bonnie Crotts.”

There was a long pregnant pause from the lack of response from Great Bonnie.

Quickly Aunt Bea looked over at Great Bonnie to see she had a snarl on her face and her brows were all tucked down as she carefully inspected Ruby.

Aunt Bea snapped at Great Bonnie under breath quickly to return to her normal vernacular, “Mother, be friendly, damn it”.

Aunt Bea had a special way of holding a smile and cursing all in the same sentence.

“Hey”, replied Great Bonnie in monotone, eyes still tucked and inspecting.

Aunt Bea suddenly became aware of Great Bonnie’s natural awkwardness with strangers. She also became aware of Great Bonnie’s outfit selection.

Great Bonnie stood not even five foot tall, long gray hair and was wearing a two-toned Michael Jackson “thriller” t shirt and a long blue jean skirt.

This outfit was worn often and usually coordinated with Great Bonnie’s work boots.

 This ensemble was commonly called “the uniform” by the family.

However, today as Aunt Bea glanced down; she noticed Great Bonnie had on two different flip flops. A look of disgust overcame Aunt Bea’s face. She quickly addressed the issue of her mothers wardrobe.

“Please forgive our appearance”, Aunt Bea continued in her highest pitch while maintaining her false- positive demeanor, “the Lord grants extra strength to those who tend to the elderly, Praise the Lor….”

Great Bonnie interrupted, “OUR appearance, Bea”?  Asked Great Bonnie defiantly. Great Bonnie pointed to Ruby with an extended crooked finger continuing, “When she looks like a walkin’ Crayon?...” Aunt Bea laughed uncomfortably and a little louder than usual to camouflage the remarks. Ruby unaffected replied, “ I am Ruby Tibideaux”, it is spelled T-i-b-d-e-a-u-x. But, it is pronounced “Ti-bid-oh”.

“Fascinating”, Aunt Bea said politely.

“So nice to meet you ladies”, Ruby said, very welcomingly and friendly. “Would  y’all like some tea or water”?

Simultaneously Great Bonnie replied with a no and Aunt Bea a yes.

Continuing inside being pinched by Aunt Bea, Great Bonnie followed.  

“Tibiduax,huh? You Indian”?, asked Great Bonnie.

Her Tennessee mountain accent thick and unapologetic.

“Well, you see Miss Bonnie, it is French”.

“You from France?” asked Great Bonnie trying to figure Ruby out.

Instantly Aunt Bea became nervous as Great Bonnie became inquisitive.

“No mam, it is French/Cajun”, I am from Louisiana…”

Aunt Bea bowed her head as if in defeat. Then quickly glanced up to the ceiling and mumbled “Jesus” under her breath. She knew what was coming from Great Bonnie.

Great Bonnie had a “thing” against Cajuns. She had many superstitions and crazy beliefs that were born into her from her Tennessee mountain family. One being that Cajuns practiced voo-doo. No one ever knew just where Great Bonnie drew this conclusion from but, she could not be talked out of it.

Immediately, Aunt Bea decided to say good bye and get Great Bonnie home to “talk to her” before Great Bonnie said something Aunt Bea was sure to regret.

“Well, …Welcome to Langley (continuing in her polished long southern accent) and more specifically, Aunt Bea continued, “welcome to Ross Road...”

Great Bonnie stood with a solid stare through Ruby.

“Thank you, kindly”. Ruby replied and acknowledged both Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie with a glossy red smile.

Aunt Bea stopped as they headed to exit, “oh, we are having a church bake sale next Sunday after church if you would like to come and meet everyone….it is directly after church which is located on First Road. We would love to have you and to even enter a dish if you wish!”

“That sounds lovely, I will definitely be there”, said Ruby genuinely.

Great Bonnie stopped abruptly while exiting the house and looked at Ruby sharply, “that would be a Christian church, you know…” and waited for her reply.

Ruby smiled graciously dismissing Great Bonnie and just continued to write her telephone number on a piece of paper for Aunt Bea.

As Aunt Bea and Ruby exchanged numbers and good-byes, Great Bonnie interrupted, “…where we worship THE LORD, as in Jesus Christ, you know…”

Great Bonnie continued a hard stare as she was walking off, nearly tripping herself.

Aunt Bea silenced her mother with a stern glare then apologized for her “elderly” mother. Ruby, seemingly unaffected, smiled and waved them down the drive.

It was four houses down the road back home, which was a little bit of a walk as the houses were on a considerable amount of land. Aunt Bea and Uncle Lenny’s house had the most land, which Aunt Bea was quick to tell anyone along with how kind it was of her to take in her elderly mother and how difficult of a task it was’ but the Lord had given her ample strength.’

The entire way home Great Bonnie protested they would ‘NEVER have this “witch” over to the house’. “Mother, you are being ridiculous and unreasonable, as always, and you WILL NOT be crazy to our new neighbor- PERIOD”!

Upon arriving home Great Bonnie couldn’t wait to call her other daughter, Glenda Maye.

Glenda Maye was affectionately known as” Moonie”, and she lived in Memphis. Great Bonnie moved to Memphis in the early 1940’s and her and her husband made a family there. But, most of the family migrated to Georgia after Great Bonnie’s husband Harlan died. Moonie was a divorcee and nurse at a large hospital in Memphis so she stayed there. Aunt Moonie and Great Bonnie were very close.

She always would appease Great Bonnie.  Legitimately kind in nature but, would get tangled up in Great Bonnie’s antics. Great Bonnie lived with her in Memphis before moving to Langley.

The family thought it best Great Bonnie move to Langley with Aunt Bea because Aunt Moonie worked nights and Great Bonnie really was a handful to keep up with. She was kind of like caring for a difficult child the older she became.

Great Bonnie called Moonie as soon as they walked into the house.

Moonie answered the phone with her always polite phone voice. “Helooooo”?  

“Hey, Moonie you aint ever gonna believe what moved in next to me and Bea…?

 Great Bonnie almost had a sense of excitement in her old voice.

“A WHAT, Don’t you mean a WHO, Mother? Moonie asked slightly chuckling.

“No, it IS a WHAT! A damn witch, Moonie! A damn witch! “

Instantly recognizing that “witch” was code for “anyone from Louisiana”, her light laughter changed abruptly as she sighed.

“Mother, we talk about this all the time! I PERSONALLY know many people from Louisiana that certainly are NOT witches and are very decent and kind people! Please don’t start a ruckus down there with this. You know that the family agreed you will have to go to a nursing home if you can not be somewhere and get along! You have run out of family to take you in!  Now, trust me there is NO WITCHES that have moved in. LORD…Now, I have to go to work, I love you.” Aunt Moonie had a slight chuckle back in her voice.

The thought of Great Bonnie, a new “witch” neighbor, and her all too socially conscious sister Bea, was sure to make for a good laugh later.

Great Bonnie replied, “This is why I hate you. You old shit cleaner.”

This is what Great Bonnie called Moonie when she was angry at her. She continued,

“Yer dummer that rocks, Moon. Aunt Bea wrestled the phone from Great Bonnie as she continued You don’t even care that a witch is just a long spit away from us! Selfish as hell!  Bye, ugly.” Aunt Bea apologizing to Moonie, hung up then looked at Great Bonnie disappointingly and went to the kitchen shaking her head.

Those words said to Moonie would be more hurtful to any common person but, Great Bonnie always spoke like that. She often spoke with no filter and when angry, she spoke intentionally hurtful words. She also always referred to Moonie as a “Bed Maid and Shit Cleaner” instead of a Nurse because that would usually get Moonie so upset and Great Bonnie had a little bit of enjoyment out of being mean at times.

Oddly, great Bonnie was a very kind hearted, loyal woman who would take in anybody, grew up in the Great Depression and didn’t have an ounce of genuine hatred.

She was just a little different, and a lot of bored. 

Mainly, her mean words were funny most of the time. She had a way of being hysterical especially when she was angry. Her comedic timing almost made her spitefulness entertaining instead of truly hurtful. The family knew Great Bonnie’s ways.

They knew she really did have a lot of love in her heart. You just had to dig around a bit. Like at a rummage sale.

The older Great Bonnie got the more rowdy she would get as well. 

Great Bonnie became increasingly paranoid over the “Ruby situation”.  She started walking the parameter of the property, always with her walking stick, looking for signs that Ruby had been there. She would look for feathers, which she believed was part of a Cajun spell used as a way to make one “fly from the coop”. She would look for blackbirds on the window sill, which was a sign of pending death of something; she would look for colored rocks which were a way to destroy a family…and on and on. This went on for several days.

Then, on one of her routine inspections, she spotted a package hanging in a pink bag from the mailbox.

Instead of getting it she ran like the wind back up to the house.

She could run. Despite her age, her little frame at ninety pounds soaking wet had movement very inconsistent with her years. She always thought she was dying and weak, but when prompted that little wiry 80 year old could move like a nine year old.

“Bea! Bea! Oh my God, it happened!” She yelled out of breath, propping herself up on the kitchen counter where Bea was cooking.

“Mother what the hell is wrong with you? You are sweating and shaking, sit down!” Bea commanded.

“Hell, no! That GD witch has left something on the mailbox and NO ONE needs to touch it! I am tellin you that Creole prolly put a spell in that bag. My God, Bea! I don’t want you to turn into a bird or somethin or have Lenny ill” then as if she had a revelation, she got louder.

 “Oh My God she prolly tryin to git yer man! She single so no man wants her, aint got a child and YOU do…thank about it Bea…oh, GOD!”

Great Bonnie was visibly shaken, loud and convinced, but continued….

“…I mean Lenny is ugly as hell but you done got fat and mix that with the spell, oh Lord Jesus, Bea! You are about to lose it all, your family, your son, and…

Her continually growing rant was interrupted by Aunt Bea.

“STOP IT NOW! “ Bea yelled with her most baritone hoarseness.  She regained composure of her self realizing she was beyond frustrated and continued more calmly after a long breath, “Now, Mother the Lord has angels around the house and I aint no more worried about a ‘spell’ or any of that. Please, please stop this! This is our neighbor, now don’t you go embarrassing your self or me. I will get the package when I am finished”! She realized she her volume was increasing so Bea closed her eyes as if in prayer then went back to practicing her baking for the church bake sale. Unaffected by Bea Great Bonnie continued, “Shit, Bea! I aint never seened no angels anywhere around this house -and if so was they sleepin when the tarnado blewed down the power line last year?, You better listen to me, I aint playin with you!” Great Bonnie glared hard at Bea and then stormed off.

Aunt Bea continued baking and washing dishes, actively ignoring Great Bonnie’s usual craziness, she hummed worship songs and began dinner.

Meanwhile, Great Bonnie had made her way back to the mailbox. She took her long walking stick and lifted the corner of that pink bag to scoot it off of the box. It fell to the ground. Shocked a little, she gasped. Then she looked carefully around to make sure no one was watching, and she carefully wiggled the stick in the bag to see what was in it.

 A shiny bottle rolled out on to the gravel drive way. “My God”, Great Bonnie declared in almost a whisper voice and closed her eyes shaking her head as if she was confirmed in all of her fears. She glanced back down at the glass bottle. Almost with a fearful tone she mumbled to herself, “Jesus in heaven…I KNEW IT.”

It was clearly a perfume bottle with a label that read, “Avon”.

Now, Great Bonnie had taught herself to read. Though she was pretty good at it, she still had some trouble on not so ‘common’ words. Not to mention age -compromised vision. She was far sighted and near sighted with astigmatism. She never would wear her glasses, either. As she stooped over to read the letters, sounding them out- “A-r-o-n”, she mumbled aloud. Sounding out the letters she got Aiiironnnn. “Aron”! She exclaimed. “Dear, Jesus” she said quietly; her old hands shaking. Thoughts of her sandy haired grandson Aron Tate, Uncle Lenny and Aunt Bea’s first son, came to mind.

 He was away in North Carolina on active duty with the Marines.

This had brought Aunt Bea a lot of sadness. She always had hoped Aron would work with Uncle Lenny driving trucks over the road. That had proven a good life for the Lambs, and Bea was very opposed to Aron’s decision of going into the military.

Aron was a very sore subject with Aunt Bea. The very mention of his name would cause her to cry, especially around a holiday. Sometimes her sadness could cause her to “take sick” and be in bed for days at a time.

Which Great Bonnie termed as the “Great-er Depression”.

As many thoughts flew around Great Bonnies head she determined that this bottle was some sort of “potion” somehow involving Aron and mentioning this to Aunt Bea would only cause heart ache. So, as Great Bonnie often would do, she took matters into her own hands.

Carrying the bag on the end of her walking stick she made her way on up the road to Ruby’s house. It was wobbling so that Great Bonnie had to take extra special slow steps to keep it from spilling. God forbid it broke and she was exposed to the evil ‘tonic’!

But, it was a chance she was willing to take to “protect” her family.

Finally, legs shaking from exhaustion and adrenaline, she approached Ruby’s property. She immediately spotted Ruby tending to a flower bed outside.

Her red hair was hard to miss. She was knelt over pruning flowers, in her bright dress and shiny jewelry. Her large gold plated earring caught the sun just right almost blinding Great Bonnie.

Great Bonnie rushed to her, still balancing the bag, yelling.

”Rudy! Rudy, you better hear me woman…” walking closer she continued. “Damn,  if you’d take off those stupid  earrings you might hear somebody! Big ass earrings!”

Great Bonnie would often call people she did not care for by the wrong name. “RUDY, RUDEEE”….she continued as she was walking with fierce steps of purpose.

Ruby took off her pruning gloves and replied with a soft yell, “ Hello Miss Bonnie”….”everything okay”?

“Hell no, it aint. Get your red ass over here and lemme talk at you, lady”!

Great Bonnies distain wasn’t hard to miss.

She continued as Ruby with a confused look walked towards her. Great Bonnie quickly confronted, “ I know what yer up to! If’n you thank I aint gonna keep my eye on you, ya old creole swamp rat, you got another thang comin’!”

“I beg your pardon”, Ruby replied with a little bit of withheld tension in her voice.

“I know yer kind. My mother’s, brother’s cousin, married in of course, had a wife that was a Voodoo. You know how many generations had to suffer? You come anywhere near my family Ima shoot you up. And that there’s a promise, Red…”  Great Bonnie began to march off.

Ruby completely insulted and angry, immediately in response, tucked her brightly shaded purple eyes and threw her pruning gloves to the ground. She began marching forward towards Great Bonnie with intent.

“You listen to ME, you old mountain goat…” She began with a new voice deep and unafraid.

Great Bonnie stopped shocked because she wasn’t used to any one standing back up to her and this side of Ruby was not presented before. Ruby continued in a growl, “I aint never gonna take kindly to any old beast coming up in MY yard accusing me of ANY damn thing and ORDERING me around- you hear me? She directed at Great Bonnie firmly then continued as Great Bonnie stood shocked and listening.…”and my NAME is RUBEEE, damn it. Now, you get your Old GRAY ass off my property with that bullshit!”

Ruby composed herself and began to walk back.

Great Bonnie slung the pink bag at her from her stick.

As it fell to the ground Ruby looked back and inhaled with an insulted gasp as Great Bonnie who had apparently recovered from being shocked by Ruby to yell,” You keep yer potion. You bring this shit near my family Ima tell the whole town what you are and watch them take you to the town square…that is if I don’t git to yer ass first! I got my GOOD eye on you.”, Great Bonnie said squinting. Great Bonnie was pointing and shaking as Ruby, slow and fearless walked closer to Great Bonnie. Ruby leaned in towards Great Bonnie and said slowly, as her earlier polite southern accent began to return but, to a shorter higher pitched version, “I aint a witch, you dumb ass hillbilly!

I am an Avon lady and thought it was a nice neighborly gesture to send y’all our latest perfume. You, lady, are CRAZY and if you ever come on to my property again, you WILL regret it. Now, good day.”

Calmly, Ruby grabbed her gloves and put them back on then spun around walking back to continue tending to her flowers.

Great Bonnie stood there for a minute watching Ruby walk back to her garden, taking this all in. She gave a warning glare to the back of Ruby, then began walking back home.

As she walked she was convinced the bravery shown by the “Witch Ruby”, was an admission of guilt. Her thoughts tossing around her angry old head, only a witch, or someone with special powers would stand up to her, she thought. Angry as hell and more convinced than ever, she walked more quickly back home, determined to protect her family.

The whole town was buzzing with excitement about the annual bake sale.

Two days away and it was like the air in Langley smelled like butter and sugar.

Aunt Bea had been rushing around in an excited frantic. This was her time to shine; the “Superbowl” of Langley Ladies. Her “sticky bars” were usually a favorite and had many a Langley housewife jealous and coveting her recipe.

She remembered her invitation to Ruby. It instantly occurred to her this year there would be a new entry. So she decided to call Ruby and see if she could ensure her title by making certain Ruby wasn’t baking anything that would be of competition.

“Hello”, Ruby answered the phone.

“Ruby dear, its Bea. Just making sure you were going to be baking, the whole town is excited about your entry…” Ruby replied.

“Certainly!  I too, am looking forward….”, she continued with no evidence of the confrontation with Great Bonnie.

They continued talking like old friends. Great Bonnie heard the conversation as she was taking her afternoon nap. She was awakened by the volume of Bea’s fake phone voice.

“Oh no”, she thought. The very worry that the evil Ruby was baking would have Great Bonnie spinning. Thoughts started to rush through Great Bonnie. This could be the way she plans to take down the family, baking spells into her dessert. Or maybe she was trying to KILL Aunt Bea so that Ruby could move in and have Uncle Lenny and Aron all to herself. Great Bonnie, eyes open thinking harder now. “Single with no kids”, she thought to herself, that certainly was motive enough!....She squinted and laid back down to make the thoughts go away. She dozed back off. Her dreams were vivid and scary and an hour later when she woke for dinner, she was ready. She knew it was going to be all up to her to keep Ruby from destroying her family. She had a plan.

Dinner was hot and on the table as Aunt Bea inhaled her favorite ham, mashed potatoes and Okra. Great Bonnie barely ate dinner, she was unusually quiet.

“Mother, are you okay. You have been disturbingly quiet the past few days….”

Interrupted from the scheme inside of her head she replied, “Uh, um no. I, I um just tired. Damn, Bea. You are so nosey. Caint a person have a thought or two without you tryin to get in em?” She said defensively.

Hardly eating the fried Okra on her plate, this was always her favorite.

Uncle Lenny was due home from being over the road just in time for the bake sale, she realized. This would make her have to act quickly and fervently.

Bea continued eating distracted by her appetite to notice Great Bonnie was plotting.

The night before the Bake Sale, Great Bonnie stayed up waiting for Aunt Bea to go to sleep. This was a pretty long routine for Bea; makeup off, long bath, medicine and vitamins, prayers, etc. Great Bonnie was patiently waiting. Finally, Bea turned off the last bedroom light and settled in. Great Bonnie was full of purpose, ready to be a vigilante hero, taking down the town witch; but, mainly- saving her family.

The Georgia night was extra ordinarily cool. She had decided to keep her long night gown on and just wear her boots. She continued to make her way on down to Ruby’s.

Her plan was to steal the baked goods from Ruby’s house so that Ruby wouldn’t have time to make any thing for the bake sale. In Great Bonnie’s mind, not only was she saving her family, she might even be saving the whole town! She suddenly felt a sense of honor in her mission. This gave her great confidence in her plan. She was almost excited about this mission.

No one in Langley locked their doors. This was one of the few amenities to a small town.

Although Great Bonnie wouldn’t be stopped even if Ruby’s door was locked.

She brought her stick, a homemade crane, and of course her shotgun.

Great Bonnie had a collection of shotguns. She loved them. Some were old and worth tons of money but Great Bonnie didn’t care. They had shot many a wild animal, and many a wild man. One including Uncle Roy, Aunt Maggie’s husband. But, that is a whole other story.

Yes, her shotguns were always her pride and joy and sometimes her accomplice.

Ross Road was black as the ace of spades. Great Bonnie was walking carefully to avoid a pothole or uneven ground. She often felt invincible but still was aware of the fact she was old and a broken bone would probably kill her. Not because of health reasons but because sitting, bound to the bed recovering, would.

The walk seemed shorter this time because of her intention.

 She could hear the howling and barking of far away dogs. The cawing and cooing of random country animals gave her a sense of comfort and reminded her of the days when she was young on her family farm in Tennessee. She was eager to save her family and felt a little bit of enthusiasm.

She could see Ruby’s porch light in the near distance. She was near. Her steps moved quicker.

Finally arriving she mapped her plan. Calculating where the bedroom was, the best entry point would be the back kitchen door. Please let it be unlocked she thought.

She could smell the vanilla and sugar in the air around Ruby’s house. Almost afraid to inhale the potentially hazardous vapor, she brought her nightgown neck around her nose and mouth to protect herself from inhalation of evil in the fumes. Then she continued around the back.

Thank God Ruby didn’t have a barking dog she thought. That was a scenario she had not prepared for.

Although she probably would just use a dog for some Cajun experimentation or Gumbo she thought. Her thoughts clinking around, “damn those Cajuns put any kind of shit in their soups…there has been a shortage of strays lately…” Her imagination getting the best of her, she imagined Ruby in the kitchen, with a large kettle of random things- or PETS. Her thoughts made her even MORE determined. Now she was saving the pets of Langley as well.

Her boots were quiet as she stepped up to the back door. Tiny, arthritis crooked fingers made their engagement to the knob. SNAP. It was easily pressed down.

Whew! She said under her breath. One more small push and she was in.

CLICK. “Damn”! she said a little louder realizing it was locked. “Just like witches and gypsies to keep everything all locked on a country road”, she thought.

Glancing up looking around, she noticed by the back porch light the kitchen window was unlocked.

Not being stopped by a locked door she rummaged for a stepping stool of sorts.

She found and old metal wash bucket. She positioned it just right as to give her leverage to get her boot on the bricks and propel herself up. She put her shotgun under arm, barrel down and made her way onto the bucket; still keeping her gown neck up around her nose and mouth to stay protected from the “fumes” of Ruby’s baking.

Sliding the old and cricketed window up slowly, still trying to balance her slight frame on a slighter metal bucket and maintain her shotgun and “nightgown mask”, she almost fell. She repositioned quickly but, making an audible thump on the glass. “Damn”, she said quietly with frustration.

She paused to listen for movement in the house….

Nothing- YES!  She continued sliding her little leg to the brick, and then carefully she stood on the brick foundation and threw her leg into the window opening. Her youthful flexibility shocked her. She was impressed with how limber she still was. In a moment of over confidence, while pretty solidly almost in- she lost her balance slightly. Just enough to lose the bucket and drop her gun.

As her gun fell, a loud shot sounded off through the yard, through the woods. And echoed for what sounded like miles; almost in slow motion.

Being shocked by the noise, she lost balance causing the loud metal bucket to fall from its position and began a loud roll through the gravel driveway.

“Shit, shit shit!” She said loudly stuck between the window entrance and freedom to run. Knowing she was soon if not already caught.

That thought no sooner left her head when the brightest lights suddenly blinded her into being frozen, one leg inside of the window one on the brick, stuck and busted.

The all too familiar voice of Sheriff Palmer Franklin roared into the empty Ross Road air.  “Miss Bonnie”? He continued…”What in the name of God are YOU doing…”

“Hell, Palmer! Surely you don’t think I am breaking into a house”? Great Bonnie said in an audibly shaken voice implausible even to herself. The Sheriff replied with an under current of held back laughter, “Well, unless you are some kind of weird welcome wagon committee, which you and I both know you are not, then that is EXACTLY what I think.” The Sheriff said in a cool, calm almost sarcastic tone.

Great Bonnie snapped back, “Are you just gonna stand there investigatin’, or help me down, shit!” Great Bonnie replied.

By this time, everyone on Ross road was present. A very angry Aunt Bea, with her infamous pink foam roller in the front of her netted hair was also part of the on lookers.  Right behind her stood Ruby, full makeup on and arms crossed, sneering.

Sheriff Franklin aided great Bonnie down from her awkward angle on the house.

Brushing her self off she immediately began pointing at Ruby, “That is a WITCH and trying to poison everybody and if’ y’all were smart you would git her baked goods for evidence…”

She protested with little breath left from all the movement and excitement.

Sheriff Franklin immediately snapped back, “Miss Bonnie, you better get your tail on home-  and you NEED to be THANKFUL your neighbor aint pressing charges…”

Shaking his head he began digging for his keys. Most of the on-lookers had left. Aunt Bea was trying to get Great Bonnie by the arm to escort her arm. Great Bonnie snatched her arm from Bea and followed the Sheriff to his car.

“Pressing charges? You oughta press the charges on her big red ass, I AINT the one trying to poison nobody, I am just so sick of you Palmer. You are just like your fat daddy-lazy and dumb as hell and I caint wait til you stop sheriffin’”.

The Sheriff visibly angry snapped back, “you are lucky I didn’t arrest you during your last incident, when you ASSAULTED Miss Tyong the Chinese restaurant owner…you remember that, Miss Bonnie, huh?”

Great Bonnie was suddenly ashamed for a moment remembering how she ruined Uncle Lenny’s birthday dinner. Great Bonnie had never eaten a fortune cookie before.

Naturally, when she bit down into her cookie that night and saw a note inside that read, “beware of enemies”, she was going to take that warning seriously.

 She was certain this was a message from Miss Tyong, the owner of the Chinese Connection. So, she HAD to confront the situation. Great Bonnie created quite a scene that ended with her almost having an assault charge and a civil suit. But, thankfully for Great Bonnie, Aunt Bea and the Sheriff convinced Miss Tyong that Great Bonnie was senile. So, Miss Tyong dropped the charges. Of course, Great Bonnie knew nothing of that part. But, she refused to eat at the Chinese Connection EVER again. Apparently unaware she was not even allowed to, according to the restraining order Miss Tyong had on her.

Great Bonnie was called “Bad Bonnie” by the Chinese community after that. 

Immediately Aunt Bea grabbed back Great Bonnie’s arm apologizing to everyone present, especially Ruby and the sheriff, and began walking her away from the scene.

Great Bonnie glanced back to give Ruby a warning stare and saw she had a slight smile on her face.

“Evil, pure evil”, Great Bonnie said.

“SHUT UP, MOTHER!” barked Aunt Bea with no concern of her angry tone absent of usual pretentiousness.

As everyone scattered back to their homes, Great Bonnie vowed she would expose Ruby.

As Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie walked home, Aunt Bea was angrily telling great Bonnie how things were going to change, etc. But, Great Bonnie heard nothing but mumble as she was lost in her thoughts. “Mother?” Bea suddenly aware of the absent look and bowed brows on her mother. This was the look of deep thought, which was never good.

Aunt Bea began thinking about what she was going to do with Great Bonnie.

Great Bonnie was still knee deep in her own thoughts. Her plan had to be much more effective next time, she thought, completely unapologetic from the night’s events. She knew determination was one of her best qualities. So did Aunt Bea, and both were deep in contemplation all the way home. Great Bonnie and Aunt Bea both noticed a light that turned on in the distance. Ross road was so dark at night you could see a lightning bug a mile away. They both turned their heads to see it more clearly. It was the kitchen light at Ruby’s. Both of their thoughts turned to the Bake Sale and to Ruby, simultaneously.

Both with different concerns and worries, as well as different agendas.

The bake sale this year would certainly be interesting.

~Missy- 2013 and 2015

xoxo