 |
GREAT BONNIE AND RUBY THE WITCH
|
GREAT BONNIE AND RUBY THE ‘WITCH’- Draft
The closest place to
get makeup in Langley Georgia was at “Thompson Family Drugs” and that was an
hour away. It was a carefully scheduled trip for most rural ladies. You would
plan your makeup shopping around your monthly trip to Mr. Thompson’s for prescriptions, vitamins, and all of the items
unavailable at Langley’s only
grocery store, Hi-Lo.
It was also an outing that required full attention to your
wardrobe and hair because that was considered “going to town” and there was a
certain obligation of appearance to that.
Most rural ladies
used this as an opportunity to socialize outside of church.
Langley women
were no stranger to boxed hair color, they were very selective to use color
shades that were closely matched to their own natural hair or just to cover
“grays”. That was before new resident
Ruby Tibideaux moved to town.
Ruby was a very heavy set widow, no children, middle-aged
with fair skin and the brightest fire engine red hair that was almost the exact shade of her lipstick. She was flamboyant
with extra large earrings that always complemented a very large multi pattern dress.
The dress carefully would also incorporate
the shade of what ever red lipstick she chose to wear that day. She was,
needless to say, very different from the typical Langley Lady.
Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie had heard someone had bought the
house down the road and were all too interested about their new neighbor. Great
Bonnie, always curious and Aunt Bea
always nosey decided they should take
a pie over and introduce themselves and welcome the new neighbor to the small,
but quaint, town of Langley.
Aunt Bea saw this
opportunity to potentially have a new church member. However, Great Bonnie saw
this as an opportunity only to get out of the house. Although curious, friendliness
was not her strong suit.
Great Bonnie had the first glimpse of Ruby.
Ruby stood on the porch bright as the day, fanning her self
from the humid Georgia
heat and motioning the movers around, both with her hand and the under carriage
of a very large arm.
Her hair perfectly sprayed, with lips shinny and matching
her long nails perfectly.
Ruby stood heavily adorned with the largest and most gaudy
costume jewelry this side of Atlanta.
Instantly Aunt Bea was enamored. She just knew they were going to be the best
of friends.
Upon the first sight of Ruby, Great Bonnie gasped as if she
had seen a ghost and replied with a “What
the hell?!?... She put her arthritis bent hand around her brow as if
blinded by sunlight as if she were trying to get a better look.
I aint never seen
somebody so bright, Bea, she looks like a damn stop light!
Aunt Bea ignored Great Bonnie’s usual negative comments
about people.
Don’t look directly
into IT, Bea...” Ignoring Great
Bonnie, Bea moved toward Ruby with an extended hand.
“Well, how ever do you do”, asked Aunt Bea
in her most polished long, Georgia
accent. She always saved this dialect for strangers. Almost as to appear a sophisticated
Southern Belle; but was quick to change the long southern inflections to much
shorter, sharp tones after she knew someone.
“Welcome to Langley, I am Margaret Bea Lamb, everyone calls me
Bea- and this is my mother Bonnie Crotts.”
There was a long pregnant pause from the lack of response
from Great Bonnie.
Quickly Aunt Bea looked over at Great Bonnie to see she had
a snarl on her face and her brows were all tucked down as she carefully
inspected Ruby.
Aunt Bea snapped at Great Bonnie under breath quickly to
return to her normal vernacular, “Mother,
be friendly, damn it”.
Aunt Bea had a special way of holding a smile and cursing
all in the same sentence.
“Hey”, replied
Great Bonnie in monotone, eyes still tucked and inspecting.
Aunt Bea suddenly became aware of Great Bonnie’s natural
awkwardness with strangers. She also became aware of Great Bonnie’s outfit
selection.
Great Bonnie stood not even five foot tall, long gray hair
and was wearing a two-toned Michael Jackson “thriller” t shirt and a long blue
jean skirt.
This outfit was worn often and usually coordinated with
Great Bonnie’s work boots.
This ensemble was
commonly called “the uniform” by the family.
However, today as Aunt Bea glanced down; she noticed Great
Bonnie had on two different flip flops. A look of disgust overcame Aunt Bea’s
face. She quickly addressed the issue of her mothers wardrobe.
“Please forgive our
appearance”, Aunt Bea continued in her highest pitch while maintaining her
false- positive demeanor, “the Lord
grants extra strength to those who tend to the elderly, Praise the Lor….”
Great Bonnie interrupted,
“OUR appearance, Bea”? Asked Great
Bonnie defiantly. Great Bonnie pointed to Ruby with an extended crooked finger
continuing, “When she looks like a walkin’ Crayon?...” Aunt Bea laughed
uncomfortably and a little louder than usual to camouflage the remarks. Ruby
unaffected replied, “ I am Ruby Tibideaux”,
it is spelled T-i-b-d-e-a-u-x. But, it is pronounced “Ti-bid-oh”.
“Fascinating”,
Aunt Bea said politely.
“So nice to meet you
ladies”, Ruby said, very welcomingly and friendly. “Would y’all like some tea or
water”?
Simultaneously Great Bonnie replied with a no and Aunt Bea a
yes.
Continuing inside being pinched by Aunt Bea, Great Bonnie
followed.
“Tibiduax,huh? You
Indian”?, asked Great Bonnie.
Her Tennessee
mountain accent thick and unapologetic.
“Well, you see Miss
Bonnie, it is French”.
“You from France?” asked Great Bonnie trying to figure
Ruby out.
Instantly Aunt Bea became nervous as Great Bonnie became
inquisitive.
“No mam, it is
French/Cajun”, I am from Louisiana…”
Aunt Bea bowed her head as if in defeat. Then quickly
glanced up to the ceiling and mumbled “Jesus”
under her breath. She knew what was coming from Great Bonnie.
Great Bonnie had a “thing” against Cajuns. She had many superstitions
and crazy beliefs that were born into her from her Tennessee
mountain family. One being that Cajuns practiced voo-doo. No one ever knew just
where Great Bonnie drew this conclusion from but, she could not be talked out of it.
Immediately, Aunt Bea decided to say good bye and get Great
Bonnie home to “talk to her” before Great Bonnie said something Aunt Bea was sure to regret.
“Well, …Welcome to Langley (continuing in her polished long
southern accent) and more specifically, Aunt
Bea continued, “welcome to Ross Road...”
Great Bonnie stood with a solid stare through Ruby.
“Thank you, kindly”.
Ruby replied and acknowledged both Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie with a glossy red
smile.
Aunt Bea stopped as they headed to exit, “oh, we are having a church bake sale next
Sunday after church if you would like to come and meet everyone….it is directly
after church which is located on First Road. We would love to have you and to even enter
a dish if you wish!”
“That sounds lovely, I
will definitely be there”, said Ruby genuinely.
Great Bonnie stopped abruptly while exiting the house and looked
at Ruby sharply, “that would be a Christian church, you know…” and
waited for her reply.
Ruby smiled graciously dismissing Great Bonnie and just
continued to write her telephone number on a piece of paper for Aunt Bea.
As Aunt Bea and Ruby exchanged numbers and good-byes, Great
Bonnie interrupted, “…where we worship
THE LORD, as in Jesus Christ, you know…”
Great Bonnie continued a hard stare as she was walking off,
nearly tripping herself.
Aunt Bea silenced her mother with a stern glare then apologized
for her “elderly” mother. Ruby, seemingly unaffected, smiled and waved them
down the drive.
It was four houses down the road back home, which was a
little bit of a walk as the houses were on a considerable amount of land. Aunt
Bea and Uncle Lenny’s house had the most
land, which Aunt Bea was quick to tell anyone along with how kind it was of her to take in her elderly mother and how difficult of a task it
was’ but the Lord had given her ample
strength.’
The entire way home Great Bonnie protested they would ‘NEVER
have this “witch” over to the house’. “Mother,
you are being ridiculous and unreasonable, as always, and you WILL NOT be crazy
to our new neighbor- PERIOD”!
Upon arriving home Great Bonnie couldn’t wait to call her
other daughter, Glenda Maye.
Glenda Maye was affectionately known as” Moonie”, and she
lived in Memphis. Great Bonnie
moved to Memphis in the early
1940’s and her and her husband made a family there. But, most of the family migrated
to Georgia
after Great Bonnie’s husband Harlan died. Moonie was a divorcee and nurse at a
large hospital in Memphis so she
stayed there. Aunt Moonie and Great Bonnie were very close.
She always would appease Great Bonnie. Legitimately kind in nature but, would get
tangled up in Great Bonnie’s antics. Great Bonnie lived with her in Memphis
before moving to Langley.
The family thought it best Great Bonnie move to Langley
with Aunt Bea because Aunt Moonie worked nights and Great Bonnie really was a
handful to keep up with. She was kind of like caring for a difficult child the
older she became.
Great Bonnie called Moonie as soon as they walked into the
house.
Moonie answered the phone with her always polite phone
voice. “Helooooo”?
“Hey, Moonie you aint
ever gonna believe what moved in
next to me and Bea…?
Great Bonnie almost
had a sense of excitement in her old voice.
“A WHAT, Don’t you
mean a WHO, Mother? Moonie asked slightly chuckling.
“No, it IS a WHAT! A
damn witch, Moonie! A damn witch! “
Instantly recognizing that “witch” was code for “anyone from
Louisiana”, her light laughter
changed abruptly as she sighed.
“Mother, we talk about
this all the time! I PERSONALLY know many people from Louisiana that certainly are NOT witches and are very
decent and kind people! Please don’t start a ruckus down there with this. You
know that the family agreed you will have to go to a nursing home if you can not
be somewhere and get along! You have run out of family to take you in! Now, trust me there is NO WITCHES that have moved
in. LORD…Now, I have to go to work, I
love you.” Aunt Moonie had a slight chuckle back in her voice.
The thought of Great Bonnie, a new “witch” neighbor, and her
all too socially conscious sister Bea, was sure to make for a good laugh later.
Great Bonnie replied,
“This is why I hate you. You old shit cleaner.”
This is what Great Bonnie called Moonie when she was angry
at her. She continued,
“Yer dummer that
rocks, Moon. Aunt Bea wrestled the phone from Great Bonnie as she continued
You don’t even care that a witch is just
a long spit away from us! Selfish as hell! Bye, ugly.” Aunt Bea apologizing to
Moonie, hung up then looked at Great Bonnie disappointingly and went to the
kitchen shaking her head.
Those words said to Moonie would be more hurtful to any common person but, Great Bonnie always spoke
like that. She often spoke with no filter and when angry, she spoke
intentionally hurtful words. She also always referred to Moonie as a “Bed Maid
and Shit Cleaner” instead of a Nurse because that would usually get Moonie so
upset and Great Bonnie had a little bit of enjoyment out of being mean at times.
Oddly, great Bonnie was a very kind hearted, loyal woman who
would take in anybody, grew up in the Great Depression and didn’t have an ounce
of genuine hatred.
She was just a little
different, and a lot of bored.
Mainly, her mean words were funny most of the time. She had
a way of being hysterical especially when she was angry. Her comedic timing almost
made her spitefulness entertaining instead of truly hurtful. The family knew
Great Bonnie’s ways.
They knew she really did have a lot of love in her heart.
You just had to dig around a bit. Like at a rummage sale.
The older Great Bonnie got the more rowdy she would get as
well.
Great Bonnie became increasingly paranoid over the “Ruby
situation”. She started walking the
parameter of the property, always with her walking stick, looking for signs
that Ruby had been there. She would look for feathers, which she believed was
part of a Cajun spell used as a way to make one “fly from the coop”. She would
look for blackbirds on the window sill, which was a sign of pending death of
something; she would look for colored rocks which were a way to destroy a
family…and on and on. This went on for several days.
Then, on one of her routine inspections, she spotted a package
hanging in a pink bag from the mailbox.
Instead of getting it she ran like the wind back up to the
house.
She could run. Despite her age, her little frame at ninety
pounds soaking wet had movement very inconsistent with her years. She always
thought she was dying and weak, but when prompted that little wiry 80 year old could
move like a nine year old.
“Bea! Bea! Oh my God,
it happened!” She yelled out of breath, propping herself up on the kitchen
counter where Bea was cooking.
“Mother what the hell
is wrong with you? You are sweating and shaking, sit down!” Bea commanded.
“Hell, no! That GD
witch has left something on the mailbox and NO ONE needs to touch it! I am
tellin you that Creole prolly put a spell in that bag. My God, Bea! I don’t
want you to turn into a bird or somethin or have Lenny ill” then as if she
had a revelation, she got louder.
“Oh My God she prolly tryin to git yer man!
She single so no man wants her, aint got a child and YOU do…thank about it Bea…oh,
GOD!”
Great Bonnie was visibly shaken, loud and convinced, but
continued….
“…I mean Lenny is ugly
as hell but you done got fat and mix that with the spell, oh Lord Jesus, Bea!
You are about to lose it all, your family, your son, and…
Her continually growing rant was interrupted by Aunt Bea.
“STOP IT NOW! “
Bea yelled with her most baritone hoarseness. She regained composure of her self realizing
she was beyond frustrated and continued more calmly after a long breath, “Now, Mother the Lord has angels around the
house and I aint no more worried about a ‘spell’ or any of that. Please, please
stop this! This is our neighbor, now don’t you go embarrassing your self or me.
I will get the package when I am finished”! She realized she her volume was
increasing so Bea closed her eyes as if in prayer then went back to practicing
her baking for the church bake sale. Unaffected by Bea Great Bonnie continued, “Shit, Bea! I aint never seened no angels
anywhere around this house -and if so was they sleepin when the tarnado blewed
down the power line last year?, You better listen to me, I aint playin with
you!” Great Bonnie glared hard at Bea and then stormed off.
Aunt Bea continued baking and washing dishes, actively
ignoring Great Bonnie’s usual craziness, she hummed worship songs and began
dinner.
Meanwhile, Great Bonnie had made her way back to the
mailbox. She took her long walking stick and lifted the corner of that pink bag
to scoot it off of the box. It fell to the ground. Shocked a little, she
gasped. Then she looked carefully around to make sure no one was watching, and
she carefully wiggled the stick in the bag to see what was in it.
A shiny bottle rolled
out on to the gravel drive way. “My God”,
Great Bonnie declared in almost a whisper voice and closed her eyes shaking her
head as if she was confirmed in all of her fears. She glanced back down at the
glass bottle. Almost with a fearful tone she mumbled to herself, “Jesus in heaven…I KNEW IT.”
It was clearly a perfume bottle with a label that read, “Avon”.
Now, Great Bonnie had taught herself to read. Though she was
pretty good at it, she still had some trouble on not so ‘common’ words. Not to
mention age -compromised vision. She was far sighted and near sighted with
astigmatism. She never would wear her glasses, either. As she stooped over to
read the letters, sounding them out- “A-r-o-n”,
she mumbled aloud. Sounding out the letters she got Aiiironnnn. “Aron”! She
exclaimed. “Dear, Jesus” she said
quietly; her old hands shaking. Thoughts of her sandy haired grandson Aron
Tate, Uncle Lenny and Aunt Bea’s first son, came to mind.
He was away in North
Carolina on active duty with the Marines.
This had brought Aunt Bea a lot of sadness. She always had
hoped Aron would work with Uncle Lenny driving trucks over the road. That had
proven a good life for the Lambs, and Bea was very opposed to Aron’s decision
of going into the military.
Aron was a very sore subject with Aunt Bea. The very mention
of his name would cause her to cry, especially around a holiday. Sometimes her
sadness could cause her to “take sick” and be in bed for days at a time.
Which Great Bonnie termed as the “Great-er Depression”.
As many thoughts flew around Great Bonnies head she
determined that this bottle was some sort of “potion” somehow involving Aron
and mentioning this to Aunt Bea would only cause heart ache. So, as Great
Bonnie often would do, she took matters into her own hands.
Carrying the bag on the end of her walking stick she made
her way on up the road to Ruby’s house. It was wobbling so that Great Bonnie
had to take extra special slow steps to keep it from spilling. God forbid it
broke and she was exposed to the evil ‘tonic’!
But, it was a chance she was willing to take to “protect”
her family.
Finally, legs shaking from exhaustion and adrenaline, she
approached Ruby’s property. She immediately spotted Ruby tending to a flower
bed outside.
Her red hair was hard to miss. She was knelt over pruning
flowers, in her bright dress and shiny jewelry. Her large gold plated earring
caught the sun just right almost blinding Great Bonnie.
Great Bonnie rushed to her, still balancing the bag,
yelling.
”Rudy! Rudy, you
better hear me woman…” walking closer she continued. “Damn, if you’d take off those
stupid earrings you might hear somebody!
Big ass earrings!”
Great Bonnie would often call people she did not care for by
the wrong name. “RUDY, RUDEEE”….she
continued as she was walking with fierce steps of purpose.
Ruby took off her pruning gloves and replied with a soft yell, “ Hello Miss Bonnie”….”everything okay”?
“Hell no, it aint. Get
your red ass over here and lemme talk at you, lady”!
Great Bonnies distain wasn’t hard to miss.
She continued as Ruby with a confused look walked towards
her. Great Bonnie quickly confronted, “ I
know what yer up to! If’n you thank I aint gonna keep my eye on you, ya old
creole swamp rat, you got another thang comin’!”
“I beg your pardon”,
Ruby replied with a little bit of withheld tension in her voice.
“I know yer kind. My
mother’s, brother’s cousin, married in of course, had a wife that was a Voodoo.
You know how many generations had to suffer? You come anywhere near my family
Ima shoot you up. And that there’s a promise,
Red…” Great Bonnie began to march
off.
Ruby completely insulted and angry, immediately in response,
tucked her brightly shaded purple eyes and threw her pruning gloves to the
ground. She began marching forward towards Great Bonnie with intent.
“You listen to ME, you
old mountain goat…” She began with a new voice deep and unafraid.
Great Bonnie stopped shocked because she wasn’t used to any
one standing back up to her and this
side of Ruby was not presented before. Ruby continued in a growl, “I aint never gonna take kindly to any old beast coming up in MY yard accusing me of ANY
damn thing and ORDERING me around- you hear me? She directed at Great
Bonnie firmly then continued as Great Bonnie stood shocked and listening.…”and my NAME is RUBEEE, damn it. Now, you
get your Old GRAY ass off my property with that bullshit!”
Ruby composed herself and began to walk back.
Great Bonnie slung the pink bag at her from her stick.
As it fell to the ground Ruby looked back and inhaled with
an insulted gasp as Great Bonnie who had apparently recovered from being
shocked by Ruby to yell,” You keep yer
potion. You bring this shit near my family Ima tell the whole town what you are and watch them take you to
the town square…that is if I don’t git to yer ass first! I got my GOOD eye on
you.”, Great Bonnie said squinting. Great Bonnie was pointing and shaking
as Ruby, slow and fearless walked closer to Great Bonnie. Ruby leaned in
towards Great Bonnie and said slowly, as her earlier polite southern accent
began to return but, to a shorter higher pitched version, “I aint a witch, you dumb ass hillbilly!
I am an Avon lady and thought it was a nice neighborly
gesture to send y’all our latest perfume. You, lady, are CRAZY and if you ever
come on to my property again, you WILL regret it. Now, good day.”
Calmly, Ruby grabbed her gloves and put them back on then spun
around walking back to continue tending to her flowers.
Great Bonnie stood there for a minute watching Ruby walk
back to her garden, taking this all in. She gave a warning glare to the back of
Ruby, then began walking back home.
As she walked she was convinced the bravery shown by the “Witch
Ruby”, was an admission of guilt. Her thoughts tossing around her angry old
head, only a witch, or someone with special powers would stand up to her, she
thought. Angry as hell and more convinced than ever, she walked more quickly back
home, determined to protect her family.
The whole town was buzzing with excitement about the annual
bake sale.
Two days away and it was like the air in Langley
smelled like butter and sugar.
Aunt Bea had been rushing around in an excited frantic. This
was her time to shine; the “Superbowl” of Langley Ladies. Her “sticky bars”
were usually a favorite and had many a Langley
housewife jealous and coveting her recipe.
She remembered her invitation to Ruby. It instantly occurred
to her this year there would be a new
entry. So she decided to call Ruby and see if she could ensure her title by
making certain Ruby wasn’t baking anything that would be of competition.
“Hello”, Ruby
answered the phone.
“Ruby dear, its Bea.
Just making sure you were going to be baking, the whole town is excited about
your entry…” Ruby replied.
“Certainly! I too, am looking forward….”, she
continued with no evidence of the confrontation with Great Bonnie.
They continued talking like old friends. Great Bonnie heard
the conversation as she was taking her afternoon nap. She was awakened by the
volume of Bea’s fake phone voice.
“Oh no”, she
thought. The very worry that the evil Ruby was baking would have Great Bonnie spinning. Thoughts started to rush
through Great Bonnie. This could be
the way she plans to take down the family, baking spells into her dessert. Or
maybe she was trying to KILL Aunt Bea so that Ruby could move in and have Uncle
Lenny and Aron all to herself. Great Bonnie, eyes open thinking harder now. “Single
with no kids”, she thought to herself, that certainly was motive enough!....She
squinted and laid back down to make the thoughts go away. She dozed back off.
Her dreams were vivid and scary and an hour later when she woke for dinner, she
was ready. She knew it was going to be all up to her to keep Ruby from destroying her family. She had a plan.
Dinner was hot and on the table as Aunt Bea inhaled her
favorite ham, mashed potatoes and Okra. Great Bonnie barely ate dinner, she was
unusually quiet.
“Mother, are you okay.
You have been disturbingly quiet the past few days….”
Interrupted from the scheme inside of her head she replied, “Uh, um no. I, I um just tired. Damn, Bea.
You are so nosey. Caint a person have a thought or two without you tryin to
get in em?” She said defensively.
Hardly eating the fried Okra on her plate, this was always
her favorite.
Uncle Lenny was due home from being over the road just in
time for the bake sale, she realized. This would make her have to act quickly
and fervently.
Bea continued eating distracted by her appetite to notice
Great Bonnie was plotting.
The night before the Bake Sale, Great Bonnie stayed up
waiting for Aunt Bea to go to sleep. This was a pretty long routine for Bea;
makeup off, long bath, medicine and vitamins, prayers, etc. Great Bonnie was
patiently waiting. Finally, Bea turned off the last bedroom light and settled
in. Great Bonnie was full of purpose, ready to be a vigilante hero, taking down
the town witch; but, mainly- saving her family.
The Georgia
night was extra ordinarily cool. She had decided to keep her long night gown on
and just wear her boots. She continued to make her way on down to Ruby’s.
Her plan was to steal the baked goods from Ruby’s house so
that Ruby wouldn’t have time to make any thing for the bake sale. In Great
Bonnie’s mind, not only was she saving her family, she might even be saving the
whole town! She suddenly felt a sense of honor in her mission. This gave her
great confidence in her plan. She was almost excited about this mission.
No one in Langley
locked their doors. This was one of the few amenities to a small town.
Although Great Bonnie wouldn’t be stopped even if Ruby’s
door was locked.
She brought her stick, a homemade crane, and of course her
shotgun.
Great Bonnie had a collection of shotguns. She loved them.
Some were old and worth tons of money but Great Bonnie didn’t care. They had
shot many a wild animal, and many a wild man. One including Uncle Roy, Aunt
Maggie’s husband. But, that is a whole other story.
Yes, her shotguns were always her pride and joy and
sometimes her accomplice.
Ross Road
was black as the ace of spades. Great Bonnie was walking carefully to avoid a
pothole or uneven ground. She often felt invincible but still was aware of the
fact she was old and a broken bone would probably kill her. Not because of
health reasons but because sitting, bound to the bed recovering, would.
The walk seemed shorter this time because of her intention.
She could hear the
howling and barking of far away dogs. The cawing and cooing of random country
animals gave her a sense of comfort and reminded her of the days when she was
young on her family farm in Tennessee.
She was eager to save her family and felt a little bit of enthusiasm.
She could see Ruby’s porch light in the near distance. She
was near. Her steps moved quicker.
Finally arriving she mapped her plan. Calculating where the
bedroom was, the best entry point would be the back kitchen door. Please let it
be unlocked she thought.
She could smell the vanilla and sugar in the air around
Ruby’s house. Almost afraid to inhale the potentially hazardous vapor, she
brought her nightgown neck around her nose and mouth to protect herself from
inhalation of evil in the fumes. Then she continued around the back.
Thank God Ruby didn’t have a barking dog she thought. That
was a scenario she had not prepared for.
Although she probably would just use a dog for some Cajun
experimentation or Gumbo she thought. Her thoughts clinking around, “damn those Cajuns put any kind of shit in
their soups…there has been a shortage of strays lately…” Her imagination
getting the best of her, she imagined Ruby in the kitchen, with a large kettle
of random things- or PETS. Her thoughts made her even MORE determined. Now she
was saving the pets of Langley
as well.
Her boots were quiet as she stepped up to the back door.
Tiny, arthritis crooked fingers made their engagement to the knob. SNAP. It was
easily pressed down.
Whew! She said under her breath. One more small push and she
was in.
CLICK. “Damn”! she
said a little louder realizing it was locked. “Just like witches and gypsies to keep everything all locked on a
country road”, she thought.
Glancing up looking around, she noticed by the back porch
light the kitchen window was unlocked.
Not being stopped by a locked door she rummaged for a
stepping stool of sorts.
She found and old metal wash bucket. She positioned it just
right as to give her leverage to get her boot on the bricks and propel herself
up. She put her shotgun under arm, barrel down and made her way onto the
bucket; still keeping her gown neck up around her nose and mouth to stay
protected from the “fumes” of Ruby’s baking.
Sliding the old and cricketed window up slowly, still trying
to balance her slight frame on a slighter metal bucket and maintain her shotgun
and “nightgown mask”, she almost fell. She repositioned quickly but, making an
audible thump on the glass. “Damn”,
she said quietly with frustration.
She paused to listen for movement in the house….
Nothing- YES! She
continued sliding her little leg to the brick, and then carefully she stood on
the brick foundation and threw her leg into the window opening. Her youthful
flexibility shocked her. She was impressed with how limber she still was. In a
moment of over confidence, while pretty solidly almost in- she lost her balance
slightly. Just enough to lose the bucket and drop her gun.
As her gun fell, a loud shot sounded off through the yard,
through the woods. And echoed for what sounded like miles; almost in slow
motion.
Being shocked by the noise, she lost balance causing the loud
metal bucket to fall from its position and began a loud roll through the gravel
driveway.
“Shit, shit shit!”
She said loudly stuck between the window entrance and freedom to run. Knowing
she was soon if not already caught.
That thought no sooner left her head when the brightest
lights suddenly blinded her into being frozen, one leg inside of the window one
on the brick, stuck and busted.
The all too familiar voice of Sheriff Palmer Franklin roared
into the empty Ross Road
air. “Miss Bonnie”? He continued…”What in the name of God are YOU doing…”
“Hell, Palmer! Surely
you don’t think I am breaking into a house”? Great Bonnie said in an
audibly shaken voice implausible even to herself. The Sheriff replied with an
under current of held back laughter, “Well,
unless you are some kind of weird welcome wagon committee, which you and I both
know you are not, then that is EXACTLY what I think.” The Sheriff said in a
cool, calm almost sarcastic tone.
Great Bonnie snapped back,
“Are you just gonna stand there investigatin’, or help me down, shit!” Great
Bonnie replied.
By this time, everyone on Ross road was present. A very
angry Aunt Bea, with her infamous pink foam roller in the front of her netted
hair was also part of the on lookers.
Right behind her stood Ruby, full makeup on and arms crossed, sneering.
Sheriff Franklin aided great Bonnie down from her awkward
angle on the house.
Brushing her self off she immediately began pointing at Ruby,
“That is a WITCH and trying to poison
everybody and if’ y’all were smart you would git her baked goods for evidence…”
She protested with little breath left from all the movement
and excitement.
Sheriff Franklin immediately snapped back, “Miss Bonnie, you better get your tail on
home- and you NEED to be THANKFUL your
neighbor aint pressing charges…”
Shaking his head he began digging for his keys. Most of the
on-lookers had left. Aunt Bea was trying to get Great Bonnie by the arm to
escort her arm. Great Bonnie snatched her arm from Bea and followed the Sheriff
to his car.
“Pressing charges? You
oughta press the charges on her big red ass, I AINT the one trying to poison
nobody, I am just so sick of you Palmer. You are just like your fat daddy-lazy
and dumb as hell and I caint wait til you stop sheriffin’”.
The Sheriff visibly angry snapped back, “you are lucky I didn’t arrest you during your last incident, when
you ASSAULTED Miss Tyong the Chinese restaurant owner…you remember that, Miss
Bonnie, huh?”
Great Bonnie was suddenly ashamed for a moment remembering
how she ruined Uncle Lenny’s birthday dinner. Great Bonnie had never eaten a
fortune cookie before.
Naturally, when she bit down into her cookie that night and
saw a note inside that read, “beware of enemies”, she was going to take that
warning seriously.
She was certain this
was a message from Miss Tyong, the owner of the Chinese Connection. So, she HAD
to confront the situation. Great Bonnie created quite a scene that ended with her
almost having an assault charge and a civil suit. But, thankfully for Great
Bonnie, Aunt Bea and the Sheriff convinced Miss Tyong that Great Bonnie was
senile. So, Miss Tyong dropped the charges. Of course, Great Bonnie knew
nothing of that part. But, she refused
to eat at the Chinese Connection EVER again. Apparently unaware she was not
even allowed to, according to the
restraining order Miss Tyong had on her.
Great Bonnie was called “Bad Bonnie” by the Chinese
community after that.
Immediately Aunt Bea grabbed back Great Bonnie’s arm
apologizing to everyone present, especially Ruby and the sheriff, and began
walking her away from the scene.
Great Bonnie glanced back to give Ruby a warning stare and
saw she had a slight smile on her face.
“Evil, pure evil”,
Great Bonnie said.
“SHUT UP, MOTHER!”
barked Aunt Bea with no concern of her angry tone absent of usual
pretentiousness.
As everyone scattered back to their homes, Great Bonnie
vowed she would expose Ruby.
As Aunt Bea and Great Bonnie walked home, Aunt Bea was
angrily telling great Bonnie how things were going to change, etc. But, Great
Bonnie heard nothing but mumble as she was lost in her thoughts. “Mother?” Bea suddenly aware of the
absent look and bowed brows on her mother. This was the look of deep thought,
which was never good.
Aunt Bea began thinking about what she was going to do with
Great Bonnie.
Great Bonnie was still knee deep in her own thoughts. Her
plan had to be much more effective next time, she thought, completely
unapologetic from the night’s events. She knew determination was one of her
best qualities. So did Aunt Bea, and both were deep in contemplation all the
way home. Great Bonnie and Aunt Bea both noticed a light that turned on in the
distance. Ross road was so dark at night you could see a lightning bug a mile
away. They both turned their heads to see it more clearly. It was the kitchen
light at Ruby’s. Both of their thoughts turned to the Bake Sale and to Ruby,
simultaneously.
Both with different concerns and worries, as well as different
agendas.
The bake sale this year would certainly be interesting.
~Missy- 2013 and
2015
xoxo
